Echoes of a once wounded but now restored heart...

My eyes are still teary, I took an hour’s break from work and went to sit in the garden and continued to read Francine River’s Redeeming Love. God began to speak tenderly to me and I couldn’t stop weeping, How He could ever love me in my broken state I cannot fathom.The character Angel in Francine Rivers had never known what love was, the result of an unwanted pregnancy from a woman’s adulterous affair with a married man, Angel eavesdrops on her father saying that He does not want Angel but only wants her mother..Eventually her mother dies and she is sold off as a child prostitute at eight and is abused by the people who own her until Michael Hosea sees her and obeys God’s word to marry Angel despite her profession and past. The struggle for Angel to receive Michael’s love made me weep even harder because I have not been letting God love me fully…Almost like expecting God to treat me like the people who raped me , molested me as a little girl and the people who used and abused me as an

After having been led by the Holy Spirit, when I was picking a book from the church library...I picked"Every Woman's battle" by Shannon Ethridge & Stephen Arterburn. I have only just started reading this book but have come to realise that God wants to restore me but for Him to restore me, I need to pursue purity, not just sexually but emotionally as well. I have so much I need to let go and some mindsets that have to go. The only way women can survive the intense struggle for sexual integrity is by guarding not just our bodies, but our minds and hearts as well... So I am on a quest to be the woman that God's called me to be.I am also reading "Questions Women Ask in Private" - by Norm Wright. These books are really enlightening and I think I am going to buy my own copy of the book by Norm Wright because it touched on questions that married women have and has parenting questions and answers ..great book. Thank you God for making such rich Christian materia

I have never felt as close to God as I feel now, I have been so lucky to have been housemates with a praying woman, Emma helped me in so many ways...she helped activate my prayer gift of intercession, It was in the very house that I am staying in that I received a higher level of tongues..It was more of a fresh anointing.. God had revealed himself to me and making me stronger in the inner man...giving me that Kratos (greek word for strength) But the road hasnt been easy coz then there was the love triangle ...and Emma was the one chosen and i struggled with resentment towards her and yet she was being so good and yet now I donno if its all in my head but I feel as if she sizes me up and wants to compete with me...and i feel like she looks down upon me spiritually and otherwise...I know this might be me Lord so O pray that you would shower me with your love...that I would be so saturated with your love that however people choose to treat me or look at me doesnt change how you feel about

Last Wednesday the 21st of May, My cousin went to be with the Lord. It was so sudden and no one in the family had been psychologically prepared for his death so it was hard. Best words to describe Thabani would have been gentle giant...He carried an air of authority about him and yet had a warm smile that had a way of putting us all at ease... During my wild clubbing days, Thabani always made sure my crew and I got in for free, He made sure we had drinks and made sure that we got home safely. Thabani was fun loving but in the midst of it all he would look after everyone.. My heart goes out to his 23 year old widow and his 3 year old daughhter Mpho and his two year old son Tanaka...they look so much like him. My heart also aches for Thabani's younger brother Tazorodzwa who's 20. Thabani and Tazorodzwa's mum passed away 7 years ago and she was a single mum so Thabani was all Taz had...In his eulogy Taz described Thabani as the gift that their mum left for Taz.. Rest in peace

Two days ago I met up with Archie. Archie is a guy I met through friends on the 22nd of December 2006. We were sitting with the same group of friends and we chatted for a while...and then Dakarai came along and I immediately switched from Archie to Dakarai..that in a way was a bad decision which I later regretted after realising that I had become another Dakarai statistic and just one of his trophy collection. I remember saying to my friend I " I should have just continued talking to Archie and never spoke to Dakarai coz I could tell Archie was a nice guy." To cut a long story short...I never saw Archie again..until his sister added me as a friend on facebook and then my friend told me that the girl I had accepted as a friend was Archie's sister.. so I added him and we started talking again...and so May the 14th 2008 was our second meeting since December 2006. So the meeting was profound in that we were so comfortable and talking about God, our callings and where God is t

Me.... Tafadzwa standing tall like a palm treee.. that stands tall even in a desert...roots did deeper... The past 5/6 weeks have been a bitter and painful process and yet sweet and beautiful as well. Someone (NN) I had strong feelings for decided to get my hopes raised and then chose the other. i was devastated...I had grown so attached to him in so many ways...He had become a friend and someone who managed to make me smile...I miss our silly fights and yet He has never even bothered to call and find out if I am okay...I know he has moved on and forgotten about me but I am frustrated that I still think of him when He has moved on and is pursuing another girl.Yesterday and today I felt like sending him a message on His phone but I thank the Holy Spirit for self control...I did not do it and do not intend to. I am a closed chapter in His life and so should he. He never took the time to know me so He doesnt define me. He has affected the way i look at Christian guys.I realised that I hav

"This is the mother-love, which is one of the most moving and unforgettable memories of our lives, the mysterious root of all growth and change; the love that means homecoming,shelter, and the long silence from which everything begins and in which everything ends." —C. G. Jung, Aspects of the Feminine

my darling dad 09/06/1936-04/05/2005 mum and i on her wedding.. R.I.P Mum 26/2/1945-17/5/2006 May has always been a difficult month for me..It all started on the 18th of May in 2003 When my oldest sister Sikhangele Patience died from Aids at the age of 36 leaving her two beautiful children and leaving my mum with a broken heart. I had a lost a friend and the fact that my sister was 13 years older than me mearnt that there was a maternal aspect to our relationship. I lost my prayer partner .What kept me sane was the fact that my sister was a born again and spirit filled Christian. I knew she was no longer in pain and I knew she was happy in Heaven The 4th of May 2005 ..was another painful event My father who I looked to for affirmation and validation passed away at the age of 69. My world collapsed. I was so angry…I didn’t understand and blamed God although God never left my side and yes my dad was saved. ..As if that wasn’t enough My mum died exactly a year later in the same Month of M