Echoes of a once wounded but now restored heart...

Zimbabwe WILL be SAVED!!!!!!!

2010-06-07T10:07:00.007+02:00

This past weekend a historic thing took place , we had Joyce Meyer and Hillsong come to Zimbabwe for Joyce Meyer’s Festival of Life Conference. Joyce’s visit was not ordinary for many reasons, many popular televangelist have come to Zimbabwe but none have made as much impact as Joyce did. Joyce was received at the Airport by state officials and a government minister and then went Monomutapa Building, where she met the Vice President , the Prime Minister and other important officials from the inclusive government. When I analyse everything spiritually The reason why she had this favour is because she was on a national assignment, she had been sent by God on a mission, to bring the message of healing to Zimbabwe.

When I arrived at the Festival of Life Conference I was shocked to see the number of whites still live in Zimbabwe as most of them attend their own white churches and do not usually attend major conferences. Joyce Meyer’s coming did not only bring together black and white who have not gathered together to seek God’s face in a very long time but here I saw a beautiful picture of unity of the body of Christ in Zimbabwe. Pastors from different churches, in fact most of the main churches supported Joyce and sents their teams to help administrate at the conference and this again has not taken place in a long time , this time denominational barriers were yet again broken along with the racial barriers. Joyce called on the nation of Zimbabwe to walk in love and forgive each other and herself having chosen to walk a painful love walk, Joyce Meyer was the right person to bring the message of love and forgiveness to Zimbabwe because she survived years of abuse and rape for 16 years from her father and yet she chose to forgive him and showed him the love of God till he eventually came to know the Lord.

What I witnessed in my spirit was the fulfilment of the Cindy Jacob’s prophecy and part of it reads

I see there are strongholds of division in the church and the accuser of the brethren is active to discourage souls. An army of women with the Deborah anointing will march across the land. They will be like a net all over Zimbabwe with prayer. With a powerful anointing, the women first and the men following.I see ancient thrones coming down, reconciliation between black and white, the spirit of racism which goes back further down to the tribes .I will use Zimbabwe like a Jewel; she will help feed the world with produce, beautiful produce, beautiful produce. God will break the curse that came through civil war-the curse will be broken (I know nothing about Zimbabwe)

Since that prophecy was released in 1998 many women have gathered in small and large groups to intercede and waged a good warfare with the prophecy.I believe many women have wept and groaned even through the watches of the night for the strongholds to come down and then it finally happens in June 2010!!!

Joyce Meyer and Darlene Zchech could not have to Zimbabwe at a better timethan this because really it was the kairos moment. Joyce was received by an inclusive government-to think there was so much polarisation no one would have imagined Mugabe and Tsvangirai running the country together and yet its happening and Joyce was received by a united body of Christ, many local churches were involved in the planning of the conference.Indeed the prophecy is being fulfilled.Zimbabwe will be saved because we have a united body of Christ in the nation that is going to stand in the gap and bring healing to this glorious beautiful nation. As Darlene Zschech from Hillsong prophecied Isaiah 60 over Zimbabwe at the conference I also declare to Zimbabwe that :

(Isa 60:1) Arise, shine Zimbabwe; for thy light is come, and the glory of the LORD is risen upon thee.

(Isa 60:2) For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the LORD shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee.

(Isa 60:3) And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising.

(Isa 60:4) Lift up thine eyes round about, and see: all they gather themselves together, they come to thee: thy sons shall come from far, and thy daughters shall be nursed at thy side.

(Isa 60:5) Then thou shalt see, and flow together, and thine heart shall fear, and be enlarged; because the abundance of the sea shall be converted unto thee, the forces of the Gentiles shall come unto thee.

(Isa 60:6) The multitude of camels shall cover thee, the dromedaries of Midian and Ephah; all they from Sheba shall come: they shall bring gold and incense; and they shall shew forth the praises of the LORD.

(Isa 60:7) All the flocks of Kedar shall be gathered together unto thee, the rams of Nebaioth shall minister unto thee: they shall come up with acceptance on mine altar, and I will glorify the house of my glory.

(Isa 60:8) Who are these that fly as a cloud, and as the doves to their windows?

(Isa 60:9) Surely the isles shall wait for me, and the ships of Tarshish first, to bring thy sons from far, their silver and their gold with them, unto the name of the LORD thy God, and to the Holy One of Israel, because he hath glorified thee.

(Isa 60:10) And the sons of strangers shall build up thy walls, and their kings shall minister unto thee: for in my wrath I smote thee, but in my favour have I had mercy on thee.

(Isa 60:11) Therefore thy gates shall be open continually; they shall not be shut day nor night; that men may bring unto thee the forces of the Gentiles, and that their kings may be brought.

(Isa 60:12) For the nation and kingdom that will not serve thee shall perish; yea, those nations shall be utterly wasted.

(Isa 60:13) The glory of Lebanon shall come unto thee, the fir tree, the pine tree, and the box together, to beautify the place of my sanctuary; and I will make the place of my feet glorious.

(Isa 60:14) The sons also of them that afflicted thee shall come bending unto thee; and all they that despised thee shall bow themselves down at the soles of thy feet; and they shall call thee, The city of the LORD, The Zion of the Holy One of Israel.

(Isa 60:15) Whereas thou hast been forsaken and hated, so that no man went through thee, I will make thee an eternal excellency, a joy of many generations.

(Isa 60:16) Thou shalt also suck the milk of the Gentiles, and shalt suck the breast of kings: and thou shalt know that I the LORD am thy Saviour and thy Redeemer, the mighty One of Jacob.

(Isa 60:17) For brass I will bring gold, and for iron I will bring silver, and for wood brass, and for stones iron: I will also make thy officers peace, and thine exactors righteousness.

(Isa 60:18) Violence shall no more be heard in thy land, wasting nor destruction within thy borders; but thou shalt call thy walls Salvation, and thy gates Praise.

(Isa 60:19) The sun shall be no more thy light by day; neither for brightness shall the moon give light unto thee: but the LORD shall be unto thee an everlasting light, and thy God thy glory.

(Isa 60:20) Thy sun shall no more go down; neither shall thy moon withdraw itself: for the LORD shall be thine everlasting light, and the days of thy mourning shall be ended.

(Isa 60:21) Thy people also shall be all righteous: they shall inherit the land for ever, the branch of my planting, the work of my hands, that I may be glorified.

(Isa 60:22) A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation: I the LORD will hasten it in his time.

SIX THINGS ……….That you may not know about me…

2010-04-21T15:24:00.000+02:00

1. I love reading….
Once I get hold of a good book I can read through the night and forget that my body needs to rest. I started reading the Ladybird books and Enid Blyton when I was a little girl .I never seemed to be able to put them books down…Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, Little Women, Lorna Doone, What Katy did…I could go on coz I still remember them all .Then I discovered the bible and that altered the course of my life… When Norma Nyandoro-Nkomo my literature teacher introduced me to William Shakespeare I fell in love with his plots..His verse and yes I fell in love with Antonius from Julius Caesar (His famous speech "Friends, Romans, Countrymen lend me your ears ...I come to bury Caesar and not to praise him"...so I spent my time in the library reading "The Complete Works Of Shakespeare" because no one was allowed to take it home or the dictionary because I wanted to improve my vocabulary...homework was of no consequence to me all I wanted was a good book to read.
Now give me any books by Maya Angelou, John Grisham, Danielle Steele, C.S.Lewis, Jane Austen and any inspiring magazines, company annual reports..…Anything well written and expanding my knowledge I have to read.

2. Love is my highest & deepest desire...
In every form and fashion. I want to experience it in all the ways it was created to be. I want to love a child that is my own. I want to love a stranger. I want to love my spouse. I want to love a friend.
Most importantly I want to love God. This is one of the reasons why I cling to the Creator of my beliefs so tightly...because I've tried to love without Him, and I failed. I tried other ways, and I failed. The only way that I can totally experience and give love is to know its Source. Including His Son: Jesus Christ (because He exemplified Love in its essence). So you see, this isn't just a religion to me, it's a relationship.

3. I want lots of children...
I love kids on a level that's scary. Every time I see a child under 10, I go "Awww" to myself, and I feel a flutter inside my chest. It feels like love, almost. And that's weird because I don't have any kids of my own yet. It isn't that I think babies are adorable or innocent, but it's because of what they represent in the world. All you need is one look into the eyes of a brand new baby and then you know Perfection. There are many things that are trying to kill the potential of our children, and no one seems to sense the unspoken urgency that I do. So many children growing up before their time and missing out on their childhood.Plus, one of the highest privileges a woman can have is to be a mother (in my opinion).

4. I am insightful. ..
I say this not in boast, but I can tell when something’s wrong with people I barely know. Sometimes, I sense dishonesty and "evil". I have "bad feelings" that have usually been correct. At times I listen to this insight, and there are times when I ignore them much to my own detriment…. Then at times strangers just start pouring out their pain and issues to me and I do the best I can if it means just listening and giving counsel when I can.

5. I love to laugh...
Any type of humour is okay with me...even the style that is not too controversial. To a certain extent humor is only inappropriate within the context of its environment. (i.e.: You don't make blonde jokes at Rotary meeting.) As for my own sense of humour…its crazy….I laugh out really loudly sometimes to the point of tears and I like to end it the Zimbabwean way.(kurova maoko)!!!! I make people laugh…well I try because I struggle with taking things, most of all myself, too seriously

6. I love sport...
I love boating and any kind of sports, whether playing or watching as spectator…I am a loyal Man United fan and I fantasize about having tea with Sir Alex Fergusson and Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs after watching a game at Old Trafford. I am crazy about cricket …I used to do the scorebooks in junior school and had no qualms about traveling in a bus full of boys and I enjoyed drawing the golden duck for those batsmen who failed to hit a single run… Then hockey was and still is a passion...I played some really good hockey and hope to start playing again.
I love swimming and swam competitively in High School and yes I used to row...I love water, I love tubing/sea biscuiting and I love boats….

Contending for my faith....

2010-04-06T16:46:00.002+02:00

Jud 1:3 Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints

Contend-To strive in opposition or against difficulties, maintain or assert

For the first time in my life I have finally gotten to understand where Jude was coming from when he wrote the letter in the bible to exhort them to contend for the faith. He actually says that it was it was needful that he does so. Indeed if I had read this scripture in the early days of being a Christian and grasped what Jude was trying to say I would not be where I am now. I have always encouraged those who were about to lose their faith,I have given counsel andI have interceded but now its me who is fighting to keep my hope alive. In this season I have even considered giving up on my faith in God, I have found myself questioning God’s faithfulness as I have experienced attacks from the enermy in almost every sphere of my life. I have takes some hard knocks from the devil that have left me wondering if there is a just God and yet he is more than a just, justice and righteousness are the foundations of His throne. I came across this poem on the net and it best describes where I am at…

Fighting to keep fighting
Trying to survive
Inside I feel I'm dying
One memory at a time.

Afraid, alone, despairing
Feeling so out of control
Inside my heart not caring
My heart no longer whole

But now my heart is troubled.
I struggle to survive.
The intensity has doubled.
They want to take my life.

Not just my life, my story...
A help for those in need.
But God will get the glory
His victory I will seek

I feel it's coming soon...
I'm weary in this fight.
Victory I will pursue...
Against them I will fight.

I must resist the need
To take my life forever
The Holy Spirit heed
Can we get through together?

All I need is trust in God
To heal me from within
My faith in God just seems so small...
Can God take away this pain?

What if I do let go
And give it all to Him?
Will true peace I know?
Will He take it all on Him?

But these hurts, they seem too big
For even God to take away.
Every moment that I live
Within my heart they stay

I hear that He forgives me
I struggle every day
I accept the gift He gave me
as God takes my hurts away

I am attending an Easter Camp with the theme 'unleashed'
I am looking forward to it with
everything in me because I am desperate for a fresh move and personal
revival in my own life, I am in a season where I am in combat mode
contending for my own faith which has come under attack on all angles
(social,spiritual, work, financial) and I am battling to stay afloat
But, but God daily gives me strength each day to to get by and somehow
encourages me to not lose heart .... Its a difficult place to be for
me to be...even more because I have been spirit filled for 10 years
since high school and yet here I am struggling to believe God to be
faithful to fulfill the prophecies that were made over my life by the
wonderful and powerful instructors and mentors in my life and
prophecies He personally spoke to me about. Now I am struggling to
trust the God who told me to leave a very well paying good job and
turn down even better paying jobs because I was not satisfied and
wanted to serve Him in full time ministry...so with everything in me I am
crying out to Him that Lord light the fire again,dont let my love grow
cold, visit me and touch me again and unleash my destiny at this
Easter at Camp Unleashed.

My Purpose in God is Stronger than my Pain!!!!

2010-02-26T15:11:00.008+02:00

I am still riding on a crest of a wave from the prayer conference that was held at our church at the end of January.God came through in a mighty way.At the prayer conference ,Pastor Bonnie, our Co- Senior Pastor of Celebrate International(check www.celebrate.org) who ministers in the office of a Prophet shared something so profound that has altered the course of my life. She kept emphasizing that

Your purpose is stronger than your pain.

It suddenly dawned on me that God’s purpose in my life takes precedence over my pain. Pastor Bonnie gave examples of pain that we don’t know about that she has faced even as she continues to minister and about Senior Pastor Tom’s most recent experience when the stage props fell on him while he was praying in the back and he almost broke his neck, but he got up and went on to preach even though he was in such pain and had to see a doctor immediately after that…..tears rolled down my cheeks when I thought of what my local Pastors at Celebration Braeside church , Pastor Stash and Pastor Samantha face and yet they still do what God sent them to do despite..and then I thought to myself:

.. whatever painful stuff I have faced at Braeside and will face at Braeside and wherever God will send me I haven’t yet suffered to the extent of my spiritual parents.

So I am determined more than ever to do what God sent me to do at Braeside and wherever God leads regardless of whatever the enermy throws at me, regardless of whetherI am misunderstood, or maligned or whether aspersions are cast on my character
…because My Purpose Is Stronger Than My Pain!
I no longer live, Tafadzwa and her feelings are dead..Christ lives now and yes Christ in me is the Hope of Glory!!

I love this God who is my everything my El Shaddai, I love Yahweh with everything I have and I will go where He tells me to go and do what He tells me to do even if there is pain , I will obey Him because His purpose is greater than my pain!!!! God my deliverer will always give me a way to escape. I will continue to press on, persevere and through endurance will gain my life

He kept me hidden for this hour!!!!!

2010-01-05T17:09:00.012+02:00

When I first experienced the baptism of the Holy Spirit in 2000 I was still in high school and had so many prophecies spoken over my life by some prominent men and women of God at the many conferences and youth camps that I attended, I was so excited because I thought that everything that God had spoken to me would happen immediately. I was young, only in high school and already speaking in tongues and ready and raring to go. Little did I know that I would have to go through a process of preparation that would involve dying to my selfish dreams and ambition , When they prophecied that I would be an unshakeable woman of God I did not know that I’d be proven to be unshakeable through the amount of tragedy that I would face. I always found funeral cars terrifying especially the ones that carried the dead body but at the age of twenty I found myself riding in one to escort my little nephew’s body. I did not know that being unshakeable would result in finding myself in a mortuary/morgue at the age of twenty three and identifying and signing for my older sister’s body, I had no idea that three years later I would lose my dad before I even turned 25 and that I'd lose my mum exactly a year after my dad and in the same month!!! I didn’t know that I’d rebel against God for a season and not even want to hear the gospel preached to me. All I knew when I was baptized in the Holy Spirit was that I’d do great exploits and be mightly used by God but I did not know that I'd have to go through painful tests before God’s promise would be fulfilled and I didn’t know that some of the tests would involve me being hurt, rejected and betrayed by fellow spirit filled Christians..I did not know that some of the trials and tests I would face would result in me contemplating suicide. All I had expected were victories and people testifying that I was a woman of God; I didn’t know there would be a season when I would cry every day and every night and wish to die. I was young when the Holy Spirit came into my life, I was zealous and it seemed every church I visited or every Youth camp or whatever church gathering attended I would be singled out by the main speaker and have a prophetic word spoken into my life so I was ready to take on the devil and yet I didn’t know that I would have to deal with childhood issues that had been suppressed in my memory of rape at the age of 4, sexual abuse , rejection of my sex at birth by my mum, all I knew was that God had chosen me and I was ready to go to the frontlines. I was not yet aware that that I did not yet have what it took to step into God’s perfect plan...

And now in 2010 though I have not yet tapped into the fullness of my calling, I understand the difference between ambition and ministry and it is this: ministry is a call, not to lead but to die. Luke 9:23 carrying a cross is the only way to die to the ambition that hinders .Ambition defines ‘achievement’ as ‘well known woman or man of God and receiving praise and accolades from man’ God on the other hand says success is being Christlike.I remember zealously taking on the responsibility of leading a Youth group when I was in the Marondera Vineyard Church.I was so confident, Costa Mitchell the Overseer of The Association of the Vineyard Churches in Africa had prophecied over me and taken me under his wings after we met at Vineyard Bible Institute tutorials so there was no way I was going to fail at running the Youth Group I thought to myself. The Youth Group ran well for a while, I introduced new things, developed a relationship with the Vineyard Youth from Harare and organised outreaches to local schools like Peterhouse then all of a sudden the young people just stopped coming, I faced a lot of criticism from amongst those I led and after seeking advise from the church elders I was advised to shut the group down. My heart broke and I felt like I had failed God and yet i had been so faithful and zealous.It was then that I came to realise that I was trying to live my christian life and run the Youth Ministry on my own resource, through self effort.Now I see that God often allows failure to point us to a crucial truth:that we cannot live the Christian life on our own.

In order to develop the character of Christ in us, God provides opportunities for us to be transformed, opportunities for us to take the cross. Often these challenges take the form of offense. I am learning through a painful experience of rejection in this season that when offence comes I have the choice to pick up one of two things as illustrated by a well known evangelist. I pick up either the offense or the cross. You will know you have chosen the offense if when you look at the past, you remember clearly how people hurt you than how God delivered you...

God the Father allows offences to come because His goal for you is to become Christlike and not for you to become a Pastor, Cell leader or a Youth leader. He wants us to learn to forgive offences and use them as an opportunity to grow in love .The cross represent the perfection of love. Someone said if you don’t carry your cross you will lose your love. Only those who carry the cross will find true fulfillment.

I haven’t arrived yet, God is not quite finished with my heart but my ambition is to be Christlike ..that people will see Jesus in me and that can only be attained if I pick up my cross and leave offence and forgive those who hurt me.

Now I ask God why did the process have to be so long, I was filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues 10 years ago in High School and yet I have not really seen the fulfilment and manifestation of all the prophecies that were spoken into my life and His reply to me was

Isa 49:2 He made my tongue like a sharp sword and hid me in the palm of his hand. He made me like a sharpened arrow and hid me in his quiver.
Isa 49:3 He said to me, "You are my servant Taffy. I will display my glory through you."
Isa 49:4 But I said, "I have worked hard for nothing. I have used my strength, but I didn't accomplish anything. Yet, certainly my case is in the LORD'S hands, and my reward is with my God.

Out of the habitation of these years past and out of the dust of those years shall arise one new woman, the woman of power, a woman who is formed in the likeness of Jesus Christ-Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora --

His Glory in me shall be revealed.

2009-12-30T15:41:00.005+02:00

As 2009 draws to an end i am sad and in so much pain and yet there is so much exciting stuff that God has for me in 2010, I have always yearned to be in church but now I find that I have to push myself to go to church because of all the aspersions that have been cast on my character regarding an undefined relationship that had no boundaries. JT is taking out his grief on me and a lot has been said by people and it hurts , I mean I feel naked...exposed, like really he has done damage to me and yet I have been there for him now, he acts like we were never close...i have been accused of stalking him and yet I never went to his place ,he came to mine lotsa times but how do I get through this humiliation?..…I just stand on God’s word and promise that I can choose to make this difficult circumstance a stepping stone to the manifestation of His grace and glory. And really my passion is that my life would glorify His name. I refuse to let the enemy use this situation to neutralize me. …We talk about God’s glory but no one mentions the process to glory…the protocol to glory is suffering…as

1Pe 1:11 They tried to find out when the time would be and how it would come. This was the time to which Christ's Spirit in them was pointing, in predicting the sufferings that Christ would have to endure and the glory that would follow.

1Pe 4:13 Rather be glad that you are sharing Christ's sufferings, so that you may be full of joy when his glory is revealed

Rom 8:18 I consider that what we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.

Its in black and white, the glory is revealed after we have gone through some form of suffering for Christ. So I just try to visualize the glory that will be revealed in me after this storm is over, how my heart will have been dealt with and more Christlike, how I will have more compassion on those suffering rejection, how I will be able to touch many lives with my testimony, How I will radiate the love and life of Christ, that alone gives me the courage to persevere .Funny thing is God spoke to me when He sent me to Braeside Church in April 2009 and I wrote it down in my journal in March I think:

Tafadzwa I want you to love my children at Braeside.some of them will hurt you and some won’t understand you but just love them. From now on you will see them as I see them, I see them as precious. Even the mean ones you will clearly see and perceive their pain. You will see, your level of discernment has increased so you will see their need even in their cruel intentions. You are going to hate no man, you will just love them, even the ones who have wounded you and pierced you, you will love them, you will realize and say ‘what you mearnt to hurt me God mearnt for my good and to save the lives of many

.

I am reading a book called "Yesterday I cried" written by some new age person called Iyanla Vanzant and am finding it useful, I just change what she refers as spirit to Holy Spirit and whole lot of other terms that they use so that they agree with scripture.. I am learning so much and really am learning that some of the things that have been happening to me I played a part things like:

Doing things I believe people will make people like me
Ignoring the pain instead of losing a familiar situation
Needing to be liked to my own self detriment
Asking other people what they think I should do
Being afraid of myself
Not trusting myself
Not valuing myself
Putting everyone else’ need above mine
Not asking for help when I need it

I just want and have a need to be loved and yet it starts with me, I have to relearn how to love myself and surround myself with people who love me and celebrate me. I celebrated Xmas just the way my late dad taught me, went to church for the Xmas service ...Dad would always make sure that we all attend Church together on Christmas,mum was not always there because as a nurse sometimes she would be on duty at the Hospital so I did what my late folks would have wanted and celebrated their memories on Christmas day.God really ministered His love to me and I was encouraged.Somehow I know that whatever is going on in my life right now will count for something,I Know I will be okay because God has a lot in store for me including someone who is going to love me and celebrate who I am ,someone who will show his love for me in public,someone who will pray for me and with me and protect and cover me...2010 HERE I COME.!!!!

FOR YOU O LORD ARE A SHIELD FOR ME,MY GLORY AND YOU LIFT MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU FOR LIFTING MY HEAD

Stability at last...

2009-10-01T14:04:00.001+02:00

28 September 2009

I I have wept so much and worshipped so much, the fallow ground of my heart has been ploughed up and my love for God and His people has taken a depth and significance unparalled in my life. I am standing on a new foundation of maturity and responsibility.Stability is something that has seemed to evade me at critical times, but my continuing to seek God’s face has brought and will continue to bring me to a place of divine stability.Not a stability based on my emotions or finances, but a strong endurance based on my faith and relationship with God.

I have been in a rather long season that has caused me to redefine my life in every aspect .My priorities have been rearranged, my relationships have taken on new meanings, some closer and some more distant.I spent a good part of my Christian walk without root/stem but now my roots have grown deeper and produced fruit.It has been a stretch, but the fruit continue to be maturity and stability

This is my hour

2009-06-09T13:08:00.003+02:00

Last May i celebrated my spiritual birthday !!!!! I rededicated my
life to the Lord
on the 21st of May 2000 and was received the baptism of the Holy
Spirit two days later on the 23rd of May 2000. Immediately after this
Holy Ghost Baptism , My Scripture Union teacher prophecied to me that
I had received the Holy Spirit in a powerful way and had received the
gift of Intercession and would move mountains. She also said that my
family would change. A month later another Intercessor reconfirmed
that I had indeed received the ministry of Intercession. I took this
seriously I read every book I could lay hands on about Intercession
and attended the Zimbabwe National day of prayer on the 25th of May
2000 just a few days after being Spirit filled because I was excited
about God and the ministry of Intercession that I had received. I
also came to know about the Cindy Jacobs Prophecy in May 2000 and now
9 years later I am serving and interceeding for the women who brought
the prophecy to Zimbabwe –Pastor Nicky and Pastor Priscah, I have come
full circle indeed. I gained all the riches in May…May is a month of
significance , I may have lost my siblings and my parents in May but I
gained the Holy Spirit who is my Teacher, Comforter, Advocate,
Intercessor, My Helper , My everything. I thank God that May is no
longer a month of mourning and loss for me but a month of gain,
fruitfulness and restoration. As I celebrate the 9th year of
fellowship with the Holy Spirit this month I am excited coz 9 is the
number of fruitfulness and multiplication. I know something
significant is about to take place.

Indeed something siginficant did take place last May. So much impartation took place and God elevated me in so many ways i am in awe. its so significant that we had our annual conference in may , the month I celebrate my Holy Ghost baptism annivesary. Since then I heard God loudly tell me that my life is not my own. Back then my life was so self -focused but its all about Jesus- the author and finisher of my faith.

9 years ago, I was a overzealous high schooler speaking in tongues and thinking I had arrived but now I see that my ministry is only starting to take place now ..This season I am have been right now was a season of separation. This is the season where God is separating me or work that He has been preparing me for all my life. Life has thrown a lot at me but God kept me standing because He had a plan and a purpose for me. He also was purifying my heart.

God had also been exposing wrong attitudes and issues of my own heart and ouch the process is painful but I know that God will always perfect that which concerns me so I trust Him with my heart...I am excited that God kept me hidden and has been preparing me for this Hour..This is my hour!!!!!!!

Finally In the flow of my destiny!!!!!!

2009-05-07T16:50:00.001+02:00

I have been working for my church for the past 2 moths and loving it although they have been some difficult times but I just remind myself that I am working for God’s purpose and not man and that keeps me going. I turned down a lucrative offer in a secular job and listened to what God wants from me. I am giving a year to work in the ministry and from there on I intend to focus on launching my business and work on the book I am planning to write. Its not all making sense at the moment but I trust in God and I know He orders my footsteps. My friends and family do not understand why I am working in the ministry right now and they even thought I was going mad when I took three months off from work to seek God’s face….but hey even Jesus’ natural family thought he was going mad in Mark 3:21

God has also totally cut me off from many relationships, only those that I know my destiny is tied to have remained, even some close relationships have died on their own. Some of those friends that I knew had no clue or understood where God wants to take me I had to intentionally cut off even though it was painful. When the eagle is about to be renewed they have to pluck out their own feathers even though it’s a very painful process but they persevere because they want new ones…I want to be renewed so I with the help of the Holy Spirit plucked off feather/relationships that were not building me. Being a socialite this season has been difficult because I have been totally cut off, the only people that have been speaking into my life are those that are my mentors.

Although I know that I have a Pastoral calling I also know that God has called me to be an influential entrepreneur/businesswoman so that I can be a conduit of God’s wealth and blessings and be able to fund the gospel and then of course I am also called to be an inspirational writer, I am just not sure of the order, whether or not I am going to become a lay pastor before becoming a businesswoman and writer I have no clue, All I know is that I am finally in the flow of my destiny!!!!!!!!

God has been weaning me from the dependency on my support systems; He has broken me away from needing the approval of my generation, taken me through controversy until I learn to stand on my own two feet. He has isolated me so that He can integrate me into His divine purpose for my life. I know God has been taking me through loneliness to prove me and now He is releasing me into my destiny….

27 February 2009

2009-05-05T13:14:00.001+02:00

I am at that stage where I am holding onto Christ with everything I have.I have reached the end of my resource.God spoke clearly to me and asked me to leave work and give him the last quarter of 2008.I had the most amazing times getting to know Him and bask in His presence.There was also such a grace for provision .He took care of me as I took care of his business.

The plan was to go back to work in January 2009, but God then went on to ask me for January as my First Fruits to Him. I listened and gave Him January and even got offered 2 jobs.Then the delays started…the secular job which I had been told that I had got the job , they were no telling me that they were happy with me but still felt that I should go on a one week trial first in order for them to decide between me and another job applicant.Then the job at church, I had impressed them at the interview but they were failing to get hold of me till they were left with no choice but to find someone else even though they are promising that they still want me to work in the ministry.

Maybe God you have closed the tap on resources in Zimbabwe because you want me to go down South.There is seemingly so much uncertainity about my welfare, I am looking to you God coz I need accommodation/shelter and I need food. I am your responsibility and not anybody else’s and I do not want to be a burden on anyone in these tough times.

Michael Phelps the Olympics swimmer and gold medal record breaker who broke the 1972 gold medal record of 7, said he never set out to win 8 gold metals in 2008 but just set out to do his best.His secret lay in the fact that He practiced every Sunday.This means that as he stands, ready to dive amidst all his competitors , He stands there 52 times more trained then them.

Although I may appear as someone who doesn’t know what they want or where they are going,someone who has no stability, Deep down in my heart I know that I have a firm foundation , I know that God has strengthened and enriched my inner man through the times I have fellowshipped with Him in this season. As I stand here I know I have been placed in my position and have received authority and direction. I am rich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things are not what they seem.The current situation may be contradictory to what God said but the fact is that I am favoured.I have stability. Thank you Lord that this is my year of manifestation .

2008-10-14T10:59:00.002+02:00

Its been two weeks since I quit my job and yes the one thing I miss most about my old job is the unlimited internet access.I can't blog as often as I used but have said to myself I will dedicate at least an hour every week so that I don'y lose touch with my creativity. I also set myself to go on a twenty one day fast since the first of October and to my surprise this fast instead of making me feel anointed and great has instead been bringing to light areas that are not aligned to God's will, I have learnt with shame how I had wrong motives and attitudes that did not bring glory to God and am glad that God's grace is sufficient and in these weakness His power is made stronger. I am still going ahead with the fast and who knows what else He is gonna expose in me but I choose to make myself pliable , Have your way Holy Spirit.

I felt a bit low yesterday and the enermy was trying to make me regret leaving my job and almost lost my peace than I remembered whose voice told me to step out of the boat. I am serving the Women's Ministry Pastor in her agri-business and though there is no salary I know that I am sowing into fertile ground and thank God for her because she has become like a mother to me. '

The issue of my singleness continues to be a daily battle but I just take comfort that God knows my end, He knows the man who is right for me and even though its not easy to wait, God does make everything beautiful in His time.

I do not know how my bills will be paid and do not have the full picture of what God is doing in me but I Know whom I have believed and that He will bring to completion the work that HE has started in me

ZEAL FOR THE LORD

2008-09-25T14:06:00.006+02:00

In our bible reading programme in Proverbs, one particular verse struck me because it contained a big word 'ZEAL

'Proverbs 23:17"Do not let your heart envy sinners,but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD"

We need to have an understanding of what it means to be zealous for the Lord, to be radically passionate about the things of God and His Holiness. We need to be zealous for God's honour as Phineas the Priest was..in Numbers chapter 25:

"Then an Israelite man brought to his family a Midianite woman right before the eyes of Moses and the whole assembly of Israel while they were weeping at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. 7 When Phinehas son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron, the priest, saw this, he left the assembly, took a spear in his hand 8 and followed the Israelite into the tent. He drove the spear through both of them—through the Israelite and into the woman's body. Then the plague against the Israelites was stopped; 9 but those who died in the plague numbered 24,000. 10 The LORD said to Moses, 11 "Phinehas son of Eleazar, the son of Aaron, the priest, has turned my anger away from the Israelites; for he was as zealous as I am for my honor among them, so that in my zeal I did not put an end to them. 12 Therefore tell him I am making my covenant of peace with him. 13 He and his descendants will have a covenant of a lasting priesthood, because he was zealous for the honor of his God and made atonement for the Israelites."

Another example of the zeal of God was our very own Saviour when he took a whip and overthrew the tables and money and drove out the animals and traders from the temple in the second chapter of John..andJohn 2:17 says that at that time the disciples got a revelation ofwhat being consumed by the zeal for God's house meant and they also got the revelation of the fulfilment of God's word that had been spoken by the Psalmist.

John2:17- 17 "His disciples remembered that it is written: "Zeal foryour house will consume me"

The scripture that they recalled was actually Psalm 69:9. People I could go on with examples of what it to be zealous but the last example I have is King David who realized that the Israelites before him had not really possessed all the land that God had given them, instead they had actually grown comfortable with having theJebusites around and were not doing anything to possess their land which was in the hand of the Jebusites but King David was zealous to possess the land for God and extend the Lord's dominion!!! 2 Samuel Chapter 5:

"6 The king and his men marched to Jerusalem to attack the Jebusites,who lived there. The Jebusites said to David, "You will not get inhere; even the blind and the lame can ward you off." They thought,"David cannot get in here." 7 Nevertheless, David captured the
fortress of Zion, the City of David.
8 On that day, David said, "Anyone who conquers the Jebusites will have to use the water shaft [a] to reach those 'lame and blind' who are David's enemies. [b] " That is why they say, "The 'blind and lame'will not enter the palace."
9 David then took up residence in the fortress and called it the City of David. He built up the area around it, from the supporting terraces[c] inward. 10 And he became more and more powerful, because the LORD God Almighty was with him"

The very city that David possessed from the Jebusite became the very place of worship-Jerusalem where the Lord's temple was built. I once came across this phrase and agree that "How often territory that was once held by the enermy becomes the site of our highest worship" If we are zealous for God's honour in driving out certain habits and friends from our lives and present our bodies which are now temples of theHoly Spirits as a living sacrifice will that not be a place of our highest worship?

We really need to be zealous people, we need to be zealous about our relationship with God and we need to be zealous in serving for God. Increase the amount of time you spend in the prayer closet and in the word, find an area in your local church where you can serve. Are you mentoring a younger person and also getting mentored by an older person? Are you accountable to a small group of peers? . How zealous are you to take dominion in your sphere of influence in order to extend the Kingdom of God? I could go on ..but you know what you have to do. As for me I want to be consumed,totally consumed by the zeal of God like Jesus, David, and Phinehasthe priest were what about you?

R.I.P Grandma

2008-09-18T08:34:00.008+02:00

My Grandma and I when I was still a babyOn the 10th of September 2008 my paternal grandmother Susan Gotora passed on at twelve midnight...The amazing thing is about 3 or 4 hours before I had been praying and crying out to God that He fulfill the prophetic words that I'd hate no one and and love everyman woulcd come to pass because I still had bitterness towards certain people and one of those people was my grandmother.. I am at peace because by the time my grandmother passed away about 4 hours after my prayers and tears I had released her and forgiven her but still I wish I had gotten a chance to talk to her and hear her out

R.I.P Gran. I am sorry I never gave you a chance to explain things and I am sorry I wouldn't come and see you when you asked me to, when you asked me then I was not yet ready to see you but now I had arrived at a place where I wanted us to talk. However I had forgiven you for not coming to visit my mum on her deathbed and for not acknowledging my mum even after she looked after your son (my dad) when he became bankrupt, I had forgiven you for all the things you did and said that hurt me and my brother and our late mother.I had released you Ambuya and was planning to visit you this December..Fambai Zvakanaka ambuya. You gave life to my dad and raised him to be the great man that he was, I honour you for that and want you to know that I did love you.You were my flesh and blood. I know you are in a better place and are happily reunited with your favourite son (my dad)

My main goal and Passion...

2008-09-18T08:34:00.004+02:00

10[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[b]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]
11That if possible I may attain to the [[c]spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].

12Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.
13I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,14I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

15So let those [of us] who are spiritually mature and full-grown have this mind and hold these convictions; and if in any respect you have a different attitude of mind, God will make that clear to you also.16Only let us hold true to what we have already attained and walk and order our lives by that.

Taken from Phillipians Chapter 3, Amplified Version

New Era for Taffy

2008-09-15T16:42:00.006+02:00

Today is not only a historic day for Zimbabwe but a historic day and the dawn of a new era in my life too. Today I quit my job ...right I am just serving my notice period, I have been thinking about it for a while and have been so dissatisfied with my working conditions and so today I quit. Part of the reason I quit was because I have been making my job look like its what sustains me and yet it is the Lord. Its a bit scary and yet I feel such a peace about. I will use this time of unemployement to volunteer at church and also to study and develop my business plans since I am an entreprenuer in the making...This is the time to start researching and writing my business proposals and talking to the right people and getting mentored by those who have also taken a leap and gone into business not knowing where God was leading them but just trusting in God's voice.. I have hearkened God's voice telling me to walk on the water and I am going to do just that. When God told Peter to walk on the water, God was distinguishing Peter from the other disciples since it was to Peter that God would give the keys...no other disciple walked on water but Peter did... It was Peter alone who had a revelation of who Jesus was
Matthew 16:16 "And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God."

So my eyes are set on my Saviour and I am walking on water because He said I can....

Dawn of a new era in Zimbabwe

2008-09-15T16:27:00.002+02:00

Today is a historic day for Zimbabwe, The dawn of a new era in Zimbabwe ….Our two political leaders Morgan Tsvangirai and Robert Mugabe signed a power sharing deal to solve the political and economic crisis in Zimbabwe. It was spoken in 1998 through Cindy Jacobs prophecy….that there would be reconciliation in Zimbabwe and that a treaty would be signed….so here it Amos 3:7 “Surely the Lord Jehovah will do nothing, except he reveal his secret unto his servants the prophets.”

I am so happy to see the fulfillment of God’s word over out beautiful land Zimbabwe all I can do is sing Henry Olonga’s song over and over right now because I am ecstatic!!!! Some people may say Morgan Tsvanngirai was the winner of the election and therefore should have all the powers but I still say due to the polarisation , It would never have worked to have one party rule the other.

So I continue to sing this song:

“This land our land is our Zimbabwe
A land of peace for you and me
Once born in pain and segregation
But now we live in harmony
CHORUS
Now flies the flag our nations glory
We live with pride inside our hearts
As we all stand to build our nation
This our land, our Zimbabwe

2. Though I may go to distant borders
My heart will yearn for this my home
For time and space may separate us
And yet she holds my heart alone
Now flies the flag my nations glory
I'll live with pride inside my heart
I'll make a stand to build this nation
This my land my Zimbabwe

BRIDGE
We've been through it all
We've had our days we've had our falls
Now the time has come,for us to stand
To stand as one

3. The night has gone and with the morning
Come rays of hope that lead us on
So we will strive to give our children
A brighter day where they belong”

Taking My Quantum Leap

2008-09-08T12:54:00.004+02:00

I was attending my cousin's wedding on Friday and having a grand time with friends and cousins but I just knew I had to leave the wedding and go to the all night prayer vigil and It was not an easy choice brothers and sisters, the flesh wanted to hang out with family and friends but I had an appointment with Destiny and so I left the wedding and got to the All night just before 12 and God showed up, and you know the deal when God moves He speaks. There was a word and a prophetic spontaneous song that spoke of God resurrecting dreams and indeed many dreams were resurrected and new dreams given !!! I am sure many of those who were at the all night will testify.

My dream is to become and entrepreneur as I know I am called to be a conduit of God's wealth and there to generate money for the gospel and the one avenue I intend to take is agriculture!!! A couple years ago I worked for Mitchell and Mitchell Fresh export who farm, process and pack fresh veggies to British supermarkets chains like Sainsbury, waittrose and tescoe etc who have since stopped. I was there for two years and even though I was a secretary I took an interest and aligned myself with the vision of the company, other secretaries just answered calls, I studies the whole production process, I knew all the 400 lines that were packed by name and by ingredient!! And soon the senior managers would even let me run production and trusted me to liase with the customers and the the freight dept, I was so passionate about it that I was now in a place where the managers would allow me to take visitors around the farm and packhouse because I knew it all and realized that's there was wealth in farming!!! I left M&M two years ago but I had kinda shelved the dream and then God did it, He allowed me to dream again…and this morning at morning prayer…people where praying for the agriculture domain and the export policies which are presently not favourable to the farmer/exporter, So there was a call for those in agriculture and export to come up for prayer and I was stirred to step up and I did. It didn't make sense for me to step up since in the natural I am not farming at the moment but we all know God calls things that are not as though they were and I visualized myself as an agricultural exporter so I went up for prayer. I was then reminded of the word we have been getting about taking quantum leaps and then I got into the office and in my inbox was an article by David Van Koevering on Quantum leaps..I would like to quote the part that ministered to me so here goes:

"Seeing Your Future as God Sees it is Quantum Faith- By David Van Koevering Hebrews 11:1 says that faith is the substance. It is the invisible substance from which your physical world was and is being created by Jesus Christ. Annette Capps said, "God used faith substance and word energy to create the universe. He spoke and the vibration (sound) of His words released (caused) the substance that became the stars and planets." God's future potential and all the promised possibilities constantly flow through the Holy Spirit into you. Noise on my circuit limits my ability to hear His voice and see His future for me. The noise in my inner man is not always sin; my noise can be my gift, my ability, even that special way I am put together and wired. I can become so busy- noisy that I am out of phase with God's voice and vision for me. As I get quiet and become still, I can hear and see what God's future is for my reality. Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God..." My future comes from God's possibilities and potential. I pop God's qwiffs and my reality is! What an awesome quantum leap!"

This article confirms what our senior Pastor Tom has been sharing about visualizing, vocalizing and then vibrating!!!!! When I joined the agricultural exporters who went up for prayer this morning I visualized myself as one too!!! So this is just an encouragement to you all that dream BIG, visualise and vibrate …Take that quantam leap…

David Van Koevering goes on to say in his article: "Here is a quantum leap for someone: If you know something coming from your future, let's say a vision, a revelation, a desire, or even a creative idea, that information has to move faster than the speed of light to reach you. You can and must know your God-given assignment. Information flowing from your future possibilities is waiting for you to see - to observe - and call those things that are not as though they are. The quantum leap of knowing your purpose and assignment is waiting as a God qwiff for you to pop!"

Just to elaborate on what popping God's qwiff means read except below:

"1 Corinthians 1:28 says, "...God (has) chosen...things which are not (the invisible) to bring to nought things which are (the visible)." This Scripture makes sense only when you understand it at the atomic and subatomic level. Everything is made up of atoms, which are frequencies of energy. These frequencies of energy are the voice of Jesus causing all things to be! Atoms are made up of subatomic particles, and subatomic particles are made up of superstrings (which are toroidal vortices of energy). Superstrings are tiny donut shaped packets of energy that spin at a frequency - or sing as in a pitch.
None of this is real in this dimension because they exist only in a state of possibilities until someone observes them. Then, at that observation, the potential becomes a thing - a particle or a wave. This quantum wave collapse, caused by observation, is called popping a qwiff. This is your first step to taking a quantum leap. You can see or observe a God qwiff (something God shows you that is not yet real in this dimension) and, by observing or popping that qwiff, cause that potential to become your reality. Be careful what you see; you are going to get it! Be careful what you say; you will get that, too!"

My struggle with emotions...

2008-09-03T11:15:00.008+02:00

Psalm 27:14 reads “Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.” Many scriptures command us to wait and be still and yet the temptation to run ahead of God with regards to getting married is strong at the moment. I am crying out to God for grace to overcome the temptation to be emotionally attached to a certain male friend who I am drawn to on many levels.

I am also feeling a little frustrated and tired of being single.. I have been a Christian for a few years now, and those few years I have been mostly single or either in unhealthy or undefined relationships.. I look around me and I see people in relationships, people getting engaged/married, people starting families and its all things that I long for myself.. worse still being an orphan I have the yearning to be with someone and start a family but this can’t happen if the man God has for me hasn’t approached me. But, in the midst of this all, I still trust Jesus to have his perfect way..and I know He is the author of my love story so I give back the pen of my life back into His hands so that he can write.

Even though I have come to view singleness as gift and have been focusing on redeeming the time to serve God wholeheartedly and have been giving more time to pray and serve at Church I still wake up to the fact that I am drawn to this guy so I am forced to cry out to God for strength to withstand temptation and keep myself emotionally and mentally pure. Though I greatly desire to pursue a relationship with this friend, I want even more earnestly to be completely in God's will and God's time frame. I know it is out of my control. All I can do is to offer up my desires to God and wait upon Him to accomplish His will for my life. My heart seeks to follow Psalm 37:4, "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
I want to wait upon God regarding a life partner, instead of running ahead of Him. Along with the psalmist I declare, "Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:25-26).

I liked what my brother Hudson Davis wrote in his article on singleness and I concur to what he wrote:

"I am content in my singleness because I am certain that God has not abandoned me, has not forgotten me, that He loves me. But I am not satisfied because, despite the Love of God and the love of friends, despite the blessings I cannot list, there is an ache and longing that is unfulfilled. I am content but not satisfied."

Today, I decide to:
Be honest about my desires, but refuse to let them become an obsession. I want marriage and family, but those desires are not my highest goal...my goal and passion is Jesus Christ who loved me before I loved Him.
I decide to be intentional about finding mentors who have a genuine interest to see me grow as a whole person...and who can help become the mature woman of God that will make a wonderful wife and mother!!!!

SINGLED OUT FOR GOD'S PURPOSE....

2008-08-22T16:29:00.002+02:00

Its been about three years and I have indeed come full circle hence the new beginning. I have even gotten an opportunity to share on a Google group Tribe Judah – our young adults group on what God would expect from us in our singleness even though its been 3 years since I ministered. In 2004 I joined Mitchell Rose’s online ministry called Higherground Ministries. Used to participate a lot yes today I thank God for Mitchell Rose And I thank Mitchell Rose for realising my gifting and developing it and thank you God for Mitchell Rose for he gave me that platform to birth and name a ministry and allowed me to moderate Singled Out For God's Purpose on his online ministry 4 years ago.Here was an American moulding a Zimbabwean girl to be a leader in Single's ministry!!!!

I remember he said these words to me- “ I want you to know that this will be an initiation into your own ministry” It is true, now that I am walking in my calling I can clearly see that God would want me to minister to the singles in this season. I answered this call in 2004 and then went astray and yet God has given me my job back in this season with more anointing and more power and yes wisdom that has come through my experiences in the wilderness….I will start a blog called Singled out for God’s purpose- the very name the Holy Spirit gave me to name this ministry 4 years ago…

I will paste the very article I posted on my debut and launch of the Ministry

May 19, 2004

SINGLED OUT FOR GOD'S PURPOSE
MINISTRY TO EMPOWER , MINISTER AND ENCOURAGE THE SINGLES IN MEETING THE PURPOSE GOD HAS FOR THEM.

THE ANNUNCIATION-BASED ON LUKE 1:26-56

I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE ALL YOU SINGLES A WARM WELCOME TO "SINGLED OUT FOR GOD'S PURPOSE" MINISTRIES .THIS IS WHERE WE SINGLES GET TO FELLOWSHIP, SHARE PROBLEMS AND HELP TO COME UP WITH SOLUTIONS, WHERE WE ARE GOING TO FAN INTO FLAME THOSE GIFTS THAT HAVE BEEN QUENCHED OUT DUE TO MANY REASONS MAYBE DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A SINGLE MOTHER, OR THAT YOU ARE PAST SOCIETY'S RIGHT MARRIAGE AGE. WHATEVER THE CAUSE OF THAT GOD WANTS TO FAN INTO FLAME THOSE GIFTS,GOD WANTS TO DO SOME MAJOR HEALING WORK IN US, HE WANTS TO DEAL WITH THE MINDSETS THAT WE HAVE THAT WE CANNOT BE EFFECTIVELY USED BECAUSE WE ARE SINGLE.HE WANTS US TO KNOW THAT WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT COME S UPON US WE CONCEIVE A SEED OF GREATNESS AND SO BECOME PREGNANT WITH HIS PURPOSE.SOME OF YOU ARE GOING TO CONCEIVE DURING THIS MINISTRY , SOME OF YOU ARE ASKING GOD 'HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO CARRY OUT THOSE GREAT EXPOITS WHEN I AM SINGLE?
HOW CAN I GIVE COUNSEL TO A MARRIED COUPLE HAVING PROBLEMS WHEN I AM NOT MARRIED? HOW CAN JOIN THE WORSHIP TEAM WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS I AM A SINGLE MOTHER?
I HAVE BEEN DOING A DEEP STUDY OF MARY THE MOTHER OF JESUS AND SHE IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE WHO GOD SINGLED FOR HIS PURPOSE.MARY WAS YOUNG AND SINGLE BUT OBVIOUSLY HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER GOD AND LIVED A LIFE OF WORSHIP SO GOD BYPASSED THE FACT THAT SHE WAS YOUNG AND SINGLE AND CHOSE HER TO GIVE BIRTH TO HIS PURPOSE OF SALVATION(JESUS).GOD COULD HAVE CHOSEN ELIZABETH WHO WAS OLDER, WISER BY WORLDLY STANDARDS, AND ALSO EVEN MARRIED TO A PRIEST TO GIVE BIRTH TO HIS HOLY PURPOSE BUT HE SINGLED OUT SINGLE MARY JUST LIKE HE HAS SINGLED YOU AND ME OUT FOR HIS HOLY PURPOSE.MARY BECAUSE SHE HAD THE SAME MINDSET WE ALL HAVE ASKED HOW IT COULD BE WHEN SHE DID NOT KNOW A MAN.AND GOD'S REPLY TO MARY AND YOU AND I WAS THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT WOULD COME UPON HER AND THAT THE POWER FROM THE HIGHEST WOULD OVERSHADOW HER AND SHE WOULD GIVE BIRTH TO A SON, AND FOR US TOO HE HAS A PURPOSE THAT HE HAS CHOSEN US TO GIVE BIRTH TO- MAYBE IT'S A HEALING MINISTRY, A WOMEN'S MINISTRY OR EVANGELISM WHATEVER IT IS GOD WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU AND TELL YOU WHAT IT IS HE WANTS YOU TO GIVE BIRTH TO BUT THE OLD MINDSETS NEED TO BE DROPPED SO WE CAN GET TO A PLACE WHERE WE CAN SINCERELY SAY 'BE IT UNTO ME ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD' THERE IS A BLESSING THAT COME FROM CHOOSING TO BELIEVE GOD THAT WITH HIM NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE AND THAT ALTHOUGH YOU ARE UNMARRIED YOU WILL GIVE BIRTH, LIKE ELIZABETH SAID ABOUT MARY 'BLESSED IS SHE WHO BELIEVED ,FOR THERE WILL BE A FULFILLMENT OF THOSE THINGS WHICH WERE TOLD HER FROM THE LORD'.IT IS TIME TO BELIEVE THOSE PROPHETIC WORDS THAT WERE SPOKEN IN YOUR LIFE BUT YOU HAD PUSHED THEM AT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD BECAUSE ' IT IS NOT YET TIME AND I AM NOT YET MARRIED AND NOT MATURE ENOUGH 'YOU HAD TOLD YOURSELF. AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY ONLY WORLDLY MEN APPROACH YOU AND NO GODLY MAN HAS FELT AN INSTINCT TO COVER YOU AND PROTECT YOU LIKE JOSEPH DID WHEN MARY FELL PREGNANT ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT WITH THE DESIRES AND PURPOSE THAT GOD WANT TO PLANT INSIDE OF YOU BUT YOU'VE BEEN TELLING GOD THAT ITS JUST NOT POSSIBLE WHEN IN ACTUAL FACT ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD..
I BELIEVE THE LORD WANTS TO TAKE US THROUGH A PROCESS, HE'S NOT GONNA RUSH US BUT TAKE US STEP BY STEP SOME COZ SOME OF US ARE STILL IN THE QUESTIONING STAGE THAT MARY STARTED OFF ON.THEN HE WILL LEAD US TO THE EMPOWERING OF THE HOLY SPIRIT AND THE CONCEPTION . THEN FROM THERE HE WILL LEAD US TO THE PREGNANCY AND EXPECTANT STAGE .IN THAT PREGNANT STAGE SOME OF US WILL ATTRACT AND CAUSE A GODLY MANY LIKE JOSEPH TO WANT TO COVER AND PROTECT US AND THEREFORE MARRY US.THIS GODLY HUSBAND WILL LEAD YOU SPIRITUALLY TO A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN THEN GIVE BIRTH TO GOD'S HOLY PURPOSE AND THEN WHEN YOU DO GIVE BIRTH WILL LOVE AND NURTURE THAT WHICH YOU BIRTH TOGETHER WITH YOU AS THOUGH IT WERE HIS OWN PURPOSE LIKE JOSEPH DID WITH MARY.
I AM NOT GOING TO SAY MUCH BUT I ENCOURAGE YOU TO REALLY SIT AND MEDITATE ON WHAT I HAVE BEEN SHARING ON.ALLOW THE LORD TO SHOW WHAT SORT OF MINDSETS HAVE BEEN HOLDING YOU BACK FROM BELIEVING WHAT HE SAID HE WOULD ACCOMPLISH THROUGH YOU AND THEN WITH THE HELP OF THE HOLY SPIRIT DEAL WITH THOSE MINDSETS AND DROP THEM.MAYBE SOME OF YOU HAVE RRIVED AT THE BELIEVING STAGE AND ARE READY TO SAY TO GOD 'MAY IT BE TO ME AS YOU HAVE SAID.'SOME OF YOU AGAIN ARE IN THE CONCEPTION STAGE AND SOME OF YOU MIGHT ALREADY BE PREGNANT AND ARE EXPECTING TO GIVE BIRTH ANY TIME SOON.WHATEVER STAGE YOU ARE AT GOD IS AT WORK AND WILL BRING TO COMPLETION WHAT HE STARTED THE DAY HE CHOSE YOU.

MAY YOU ALL BE BLESSED AND MAY THAT SEED OF GREATNESS THAT IS IN ALL OF YOU COME ALIVE IN JESUS' NAME

LOVE AND BLESSINGS,
TAFADZWA(YOU ARE FREE TO CALL ME TAFFY)

An exciting start to the new beginning...

2008-08-14T17:14:00.002+02:00

last week was rather hectic coz I had been away on my mini vacation and then I was also attending a conference and Dr.Mensah Otabil from Ghana was here teaching and instructing and encouraging us, he had an apt word for Zimbabwe. We had an awesome time at this same conference and Bishop Marvin Winans was there ministering in word and song…He's CeCe Winans and Bebe Winans older brother and also Mario Winans father!!!!! and the good looking Pastor Michael Pitts from USA also came …Israel Houghton and the New Breed didnt come this year as they always do but we had Benjamin Dube from South Africa.

Politically the political leaders were about to sign an agreement but now the other leader pulled out so I am just praying that God establishes His throne as the Prince of Peace in Zimbabwe and sorts out this mess. Life is not easy with hyperinflation and yet God always provides somehow.

Meanwhile I am so ready to leave this job but I need a go ahead and an opening from God so its kinda difficult and there is also some injustice that goes on at my workplace that God wants me to stand up to and I have been trying to avoid it but I know I have to speak.Gotta keep pressing in.

Yesterday morning prayer was powerful..there was a Kingly anointing present and yes we all got an impartation and I am now more ready than ever to start tapping into my destiny and this will require me to sow more time and prayer and myself , my gifts and my resources into the Kingdom. I am just asking the Lord for mentors and instructors to guide me into my destiny ..

The most bizarre thing happened to me last week. I had been bugging God about my husband to be when I got a picture cum vision of a guy and actually heard him speak with an accent etc. Anyway I just ignored it ..then come Friday nite at the conference the guy who was supposed to give me a lift home started trippin so I just decided to walk to town from the conference and think of a plan and then a car stopped before I got to the gate and they offered to give me a lift into town and just as I got into the car…the guy who was driving then stopped another car and said to me "you can go into that other car, that guy is going to Mabelreign" (thats where I live)and so I went into the other car going to mabelreign and to my shock the guy was the exact guy I saw in the vision. I was scared outta my wits and he must have wondered that why is this girl staring at me like that dang!!! We got talking and yeah he's a nice person. Been saved since last December so this is his 8th month and yet he's so much on fire and talks like someone who's been a Christian for years. He's an aspiring entrepreneur and is farming .His name is Tatenda. I met him on the 08/08/2008.

I went to a wedding on Saturday before proceeding to the conference , ..got there just in time for the bouquet throwing and baby I got the bouquet!!! And then went to the conference and of course got a lift yet again from Tatenda and the whole bouquet story came up again hint hint…Nway we will see maybe the reason I saw him was just a sign that God's taken my revelation levels higher since he ended up being a great help transportwise I dunno, don't wanna jump to conclusions so soon , gotta guard my heart…I take heed of the word my sister Akofa from Ghana said "until a man opens his mouth to tellyou something, don't assume anything. Even Satan performs signs andwonders as if they were from God." So until Tatenda opens his mouth I will not assume anything!!!

08/08/2008- The day of new beginning is here at last

2008-08-08T10:36:00.004+02:00

I am so excited.The new day has broken forth. I have just stepped into a new season. God has been assuring me and confirming it through the word and the prophetic word through His servants. I received an email from a stranger and it went like this:

"Hie Tafadzwa.You may not know me,but somehow I got to reading your journal/notes via Farai's (name changed)page (she is my aunt). And I loved your note on the New Beginning and He has a reason. I could relate to both so well.Even before I read the note I just got a word for you.I know this is weird.Please test it.But I believe that it truly is a new season for you.God is about to bring a MIGHTY breakthrough in your life.Things you have been praying for, for A LOOOONG time are about to become a reality.And as you overcome your strongholds and barriers,God is positioning you for breakthrough.And as I look at your picture,there is a DEEP inner and outer beauty that the Lord showed me.You truly are a beautiful woman and God sees that and He is proud of you."

It has been spoken and it has been confirmed...the things I have yearned and travailed for , Things that God promised me are manifesting and coming to fulfilment ..I am thankful Lord.

Started on the new day/year/season on a fresh note, Woke up at 5 because I wanted to go to Morning Prayer at our church , I tried to hike but couldnt get transport and I became discouraged and frustrated then I realised that the enermy was trying to frustrate me and so I refuse to let him rob me of my joy..no way!!!!! I couldnt make it to morning prayer this morning but the devil forgot that because of the blood of Jesus I have direct access into the Holy Of Holies , I don't have to be in a church building to be able to receive what God has for me in this new year/day/season!!!!!

The number 8 is truly significant. We are in the Hebraic year 5768, the Year of Samekh Chet! That means we are coming into "The Year of the Full Circle of Life--A New Beginning Is Yours!" You might be interested in reading exactly what that entails here: http://www.elijahlist.com/words/html/textonly-082807-Pierce.html.Glory be to God!!

The Beauty of Zimbabwe- Photos that I took on my vacation last week

2008-08-08T09:15:00.007+02:00

Rewarded with a great meal after a long day messing around with animals and wild life

African Kudus

African Roan Antelope

Me and the group going on a game drive

African lions

relaxing outside my chalets at the game park

going for a cruise

African princess of the Shona Tribe messing with Chibi the elephant

Yes the African Princess walks with lions!!!!

African princess and Daughter of the Soil on elephant back

Chibi the African elephant

Beautiful Zebras

New Beginnings....

2008-07-31T16:17:00.003+02:00

I am excited as I close the chapter of this season. Today is the last day of the Month of July and tomorrow is the beginning of August. I am excited because August is the 8th month of the year and the number 8 spiritually symbolises a new beginning. I have been facing a lot of adversity and feeling a little bit unsettled but I know that it’s the process of getting to a new start so I am anticipating a renewal, new open doors, new prospects, new friendships etc.

Tomorrow is a brand new season, a whole new chapter in my life carrying along with it a fresh anointing!!!! I am excited about what God is about to do in and through me, I am excited to see God cause all the painful experiences I have faced to work together for my good. I am excited coz God watches over the prophetic words spoken into my life to perfom it and bring it to fulfillment. Most of all I am excited and ecstatic because He has given me JOY for all the sorrow… and a new beginning!!!!

Jesus is with Us

2008-07-30T14:29:00.000+02:00

“Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food;Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls-Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.The Lord God is my strength…”Habakkuk 3:17-19

You know something really encouraging? That we are NOT controlled by our life’s circumstances. That instead, those circumstances are controlled by Jesus. Even when our situations stink, we are not victims. We can’t be. It is impossible because God has a special plan for each of us. He cups our lives in His palms and He is our stability, our security.

I am trying to live right, but its not easy, God had commanded us to love at all costs. Walking the love walk is not an easy walk, You extend a kind gesture and it can be shunned .It takes faith to love another with the God-Love flowing into us. Right now I feel misunderstood, I thought I was helping out someone in my spiritual family who I know has a passion for African Capital Markets and sent him some weekly report that I subscribe to only to receive a cold reply that I should not trouble myself because he has subscribed as well. I was hurt that my genuine intentions were perceived as something else and it hurts but I am still going to praise God and still going to love this fellow church member with the love of God despite even if they drive past me after church even though they know we are going the same direction!!!.

Our love for one another is the fruit, not the root, of our relationship with God. John, the disciple whom Jesus loved, taught that our love for others emerges from our relationship with God; that anyone born of God who knows God will love with the love of God (1 John 4:7, based on NLT).I want to represant the love of Christ in every aspect after all , I may speak in tongues of men and angels and prophecy etc but if I have not love, I am nothing!!!!

I have just been told that I can only get my salary on Friday instead of today and though I wonder how I am going to get to Friday ...with no cash in my bag and an empty fridge and overdue bills...I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.2 Timothy 1:11-13

At the end of it all… I know this. I know that God is in control. He’s the creator of the universe. He made me. He saved me and He has my name written in the palm of His hand!!!. He LOVES me. And if this is part of His plan, then He has a reason!”So, yea… sometimes we want to yell out, “DO-OVER God!” But, in our heart of hearts we know… God is in control. He made us. He saved us. He LOVES us. And our faith rests in Christ, not in our circumstances!BE ENCOURAGED, BECAUSE WHEREVER YOU ARE TODAY… JESUS IS THERE!

THE FULFILLMENT OF PROPHETIC WORDS GIVEN OVER ZIMBABWE HAS COME…

2008-07-22T13:14:00.004+02:00

The name Zimbabwe derives from "Dzimba dza mabwe" meaning "great houses of stone" in the Shona language. Its use as the country's name is a tribute to Great Zimbabwe, site of the capital of the Empire of Great Zimbabwe.

Our beautiful nation of Zimbabwe is a tiny country whose map shape is rather odd, our map has a horn and biblically a horn symbolises strength. However Zimbabwe is currently experiencing a hard currency shortage, which has led to hyperinflation and chronic shortages in imported fuel and consumer goods. Mugabe's critics blame his programme of land reform. However, Mugabe claims that massive financial isolation through American, British and EU legislation such as the Zimbabwe Democracy and Economic Recovery Act (ZDERA) of 2001 is the actual cause of hyperinflation. Under ZDERA, the United States is prohibited from supporting any efforts by the International Monetary Fund and other financial institutions to extend loans, credit or debt cancellation to the government of Zimbabwe. As Zimbabwe needs to import all its energy, and oil is paid for in US dollars, this made the country vulnerable to financial sanctions like ZDERA.

Zimbabwe's current economic and food crisis, described by some observers as the country's worst humanitarian crisis since independence, has been attributed, in varying degrees, to government economic mismanagement, government prohibitions on relief efforts from foreign NGOs (non-governmental organizations), a drought affecting the entire region, and the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

What fascinates me though is that although Zimbabwe is going through a rough patch , it is not the poorest and is not the only country under sanctions but Zimbabwe is always at the centre of attention because of two reasons. The first one being that God wants the world whole world watching this tiny nation which is in the valley of dry bones come to life again, The second reason we all know is that because Zimbabwe is wealthy nation with a lot of potential The West does indeed have interests in exploiting its wealth and that is FACT!!! Being on the ground and being an observer in whats been happening and the exxageration that I see on BBC and all these Western countries I sometimes get affected. This is a naturally peaceful nation, the stats so far indicate that ever since March 27 when the election took place 101 have died ..in Kenya is didn’t take 4 days for the death tolls to go up to a 1000…whats an interesting contrast.

Anyway I wil not digress fron the reason why I am writing this blog- I am celebrating a historic event that took place yesterday. The president of the Ruling Party (who I personally am not sure if he did win the election) Robert Mugabe and Morgan Tsvangirai met in the same room, these people have not set eyes on each other for 10 years yet they did and even shook hands!! They both signed the Memorandum Of Understanding which binds them to a dialogue and solutions over a way forward. I personally am not Zanu PF supporter but I don’t support Morgan Tsvangira either because I disagreed with his ideology of trying to mobilise the support of Western Governments instead of homegrowing the party and also because he kept pressing for sanctions and the truth is sanctions affect the ordinary man and not the government in power. I belive that what Zimbabwe is going through spiritually has a profound effect on Africa as a whole. Once Zimbabwe sorts out her mess its going to be a symbolic that Africa can solve her own problems. As a prophetic intercessor maybe it explains why I do not belong to any party ..but I can identify with the story in Joshua chapter 5.
Josh 5:13 And it came to pass, when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted up his eyes and looked, and, behold, there stood a man over against him with his sword drawn in his hand: and Joshua went unto him, and said unto him, Art thou for us, or for our adversaries?
Josh 5:14 And he said, Nay; but as prince of the host of Jehovah am I now come. And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and did worship, and said unto him, What saith my lord unto his servant?
Josh 5:15 And the prince of Jehovah’s host said unto Joshua, Put off thy shoe from off thy foot; for the place whereon thou standest is holy. And Joshua did so

God is not on Zanu PF nor MDC’s side, He’s the commander in Chief of the Host of Heaven, that’s the army that I am a part of, My role as a prophetic intercessor is to pray the will of God and to commit to praying through God's prophetic purposes for Zimbabwe- the main one being reconciliation, in the past Zimbabwe has played a role in the Mozambique Peace process, The South African process and the Democratic Republic of Congo , We are the Switzerland of Africa. Despite what the situation appears to be, the prophetic intercessor does not base his praying on either good or bad conditions, but rather on the covenant of God…

For me the journey of intercession has not been an easy one…God has had to deal with my heart though from the scars of racism. After Independence although black Zimbabweans gained political freedom they did not gain economic liberation, the wealth was still in the hands of white Africans who constituted of about 1,5% of the population. They owned large farms, drove the flashy cars and isolated themselves from the blacks, created their own exclusive sporting clubs, private schools and if numbers of black children increased they would go and form another school and the cycle would go on. I remember my dad taking my brother and I to the country club because he was a farmer and there was a disco for the teenagers my brother and I were the only blacks and felt unwanted, we then stepped up to the dee jay and asked him to play some R ‘n’ B and he did reluctantly …then all the white kids walked out leaving my brother and I. This was a painful moment for me and this must have 1997, Here I was being made to feel like an outcast in the country of my heritage and birth. I was to experience this again recently at the time that I joined the company that I work for. It’s a white owned business and daily I was ill treated, maligned and denied opportunities for upgrading, I was slighted for a position that was to be given to a white, computer illiterate inexperienced school leaver. I became a reactionary racist until God dealt with my heart…and I forgave and released my antagonists little did I know that God wanted me to feel like how white folk in Zim felt with the whole political situation but the truth still remains that’s its not what it appears to be on CNN, White people still dine at the expensive places and yes white people in Zim do not use public transport, on rare occasions if you see a white person hiking it’s a tourist, they still drive nice cars and are running their business and they have not been asked to all leave Zimbabwe. However the manner in which their farms were taken was brutal and not done in an orderly way even though land resdistribution was long overdue and I pray for all those who lost their farms and yet I have seen some blacks who got those farms who are happy and doing well in farming so we will never understand how God works. In the Shona culture we honour the mid wife and adopt her as an aunt to the new born because her hands are the first hands that welcome and receive the new born , my mid wife was white , she worked with my mum at the hospital and spiritually the people that have led me to Christ or played a mothering role in my walk of faith have been mainly white and that’s what led me to then realize that I am called to the ministry of reconciliation and cannot afford to be partial to people’s colour , tribe or dialect.

So Despite what the situation appears to be, the prophetic intercessor does not base his praying on either good or bad conditions, but rather on the covenant of God…

PROPHECY FOR ZIMBABWE(Given by Cindy Jacobs (President of Generals of Intercession Organisation 30/10/98,Guatemala City, Guatemala)The river is to flow through Zimbabwe and I see a powerful torrent of water, a mighty rushing torrent, many fish. I see there are strongholds of division in the church and the accuser of the brethren is active to discourage souls. An army of women with the Deborah anointing will march across the land. They will be like a net all over Zimbabwe with prayer. With a powerful anointing, the women first and the men following.I see ancient thrones coming down, reconciliation between black and white, the spirit of racism which goes back further down to the tribes .I will use Zimbabwe like a Jewel; she will help feed the world with produce, beautiful produce, beautiful produce. God will break the curse that came through civil war-the curse will be broken (I know nothing about Zimbabwe) The Land will produce beautiful beef. New factories will be built.Zimbabwe has the ministry of reconciliation that will reunite the African people. The anointing of reconciliation will be all over Zimbabwe.Do not be afraid of change, although it looks like you are going backwards. I have a plan for you.Satan thinks he is advancing but I will expose wickedness at high levels.Do not be afraid.Satan will try to bring war, but this army will be used to stop war and bloodshed.A treaty will be written with other nations.Zimbabwe will be like a Switzerland to bring the healing of the nations –to break ancient things .Your nation came through trickery but God will restore it.You will be given a piece of land- a beautiful place to pray .The Annas will give their lives to intercession.You will build a place to watch and pray .It will be like a village with a place to sleep.Senior citizens will have places to stay and give their time to pray day and night.

Cindy Jacobs’ Prophecy For The Nation Of Zimbabwe And AfricaCovenant Church of Pittsburgh, 17th October 2001

The Lord has a word for Zimbabwe. This is the word for the nation:Weeping only endures for a night but joy comes in the morning. Satan is very afraid of Zimbabwe, very afraid, so he has sent his troops, but the Lord says, I myself have sent my angels and I am going to reveal myself to a people that has not recognized me. And the Lord says, I am going to raise up an army of Intercessors that have had to go deep, deep, deep like the palm tree in times of drought. And this army of Intercessors have clung and stood to the word of the Lord, so therefore I will use them to heal Africa says God.And I am going to release a mighty prayer army that will go forth from this land. And the Lord says I am going to stay this spirit of violence and I am going to begin to reverse things in this land. The Lord says, don't look at what you see now, but understand that I am going to make this a peace-making nation. And the Lord says, I the Prince of Peace am going to enthrone myself in miraculous ways there, says God. And this will be known as a country that is a peaceful country and restored. The Lord gives me Joel. That God is going to restore the years that the cankerworm and the locust have eaten up. This will be a Joel nation and a Malachi nation and I am going to turn the heart of the fathers to the children and the children to the fathers.There is a linking between Zimbabwe and South Africa that will be miraculous for I am going to bring great healing between these nations says the Lord. There are treasure of darkness that have waited till this hour in Africa to be released for the greatest harvest that continent has ever seen, and that the Africans will help protect and heal America, the Lord showed me that. And that which was despised, God is going to bring humility into the heart of those in America to humble themselves to receive this word because it is in the healing of the nation that is going to come the receiving of the Africans.The Lord is showing me that He is getting ready to build an east to the west road across Africa that will physically open up the heart of Africa. The Lord shows me that He is getting ready to reach the unreached and He is going to break open North Africa, break it open. I'm telling you God is going to break it open.AMEN

Godly Sonship...

2008-07-15T15:03:00.003+02:00

I had such a blessed and awesome weekend. We had an all night prayer vigil at our house because my housemate is a house group leader. It was just us young single ladies and we first had dinner together , then we watched a movie called Facing The Giants – a good Christian movie and then we started sharing our lives and what we were expecting God to do for us at the all night prayer then we started praying. And God showed up..and u know the deal when God shows up He moves and He speaks.

I am overwhelmed..., I cannot even begin to explain what He has been revealing to me through His word and through prophetic words so far this week. I have a passion for entreprenuaship and women’s ministry, I am about empowering women and so on Sunday on my way to church in a lady in the same lift who I did not even know said to me 'you are going to be a prominent businesswoman and said she saw me standing in front of many women and addresing them and said that she kept getting the word “ladies” and indeed my passion is women's ministry.. and then when I went to prayer school was singled out from the audience and the pastor who was teaching said to me “the Lord has something for you and you need to tap into it, u need to stand in the gap.You don't and cannot fathom the magnitude of the things the Lord has for you...” The word about standing in front of people and addressing many reminded me of that day at my cousin’s place 2 years ago and thats the day Pastor Makaza spoke into my life and said that ‘Do you see that woman on tv ( there was a woman preaching) you are going to do that..”

I am not the same person I was last week, I am now a Son of God.. I am no longer a child but have known come to maturity in the Lord...as

1Cor 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child: now that I am become a man, I have put away childish things.

Gal 4:1 “But I say that so long as the heir is a child, he differeth nothing from a bondservant though he is lord of all;
Gal 4:2 but is under guardians and stewards until the day appointed of the father”

God brought me into Sonship this last weekend and because I am no longer a child I can now exercise the authority of an heir, and I am thankful that God is giving me greater understanding of my authority by defining my responsibility. And now He is taking me on this process of learning what Godly Sonship is..

This is the hour for the sons of God to be revealed has come..indeed as:

Romans 8:19 “For the earnest expectation of the creation waiteth for the revealing of the sons of God”. NKJV
For [even the whole] creation (all nature) waits expectantly and longs earnestly for God's sons to be made known [waits for the revealing, the disclosing of their sonship]. Amplified Version

Now that I know that I am a god, my life will never be the same again. To think all these years that I was saved I did not know that as a Son and heir I have so much dominion and authority because of who my Father is..until I read this verse:

Ps 82:6 “I said, Ye are gods, And all of you sons of the Most High”

I hope all of you who read my blog catch on to this revelation of true sonship because you are a Son of God and an heir of the Almighty God, Its time to start walking and talking as the King’s child. And begin to take an outward expression that matches the inner Son of God nature It will change the atmosphere and your surroundings. May God open the eyes of your understanding and may May you walk in dominion over every circumstance and situation like a Son who know who his Father is.. Amen.

Funeral Blues

2008-06-25T15:29:00.005+02:00

This poem was read out at the funeral in the movie Four Weddings and A Funeral and I dedicate to a cousin that I love and hold dearly to my heart Joseph Msika Junior. Joe lost his dad on Friday the 20th of June 2008. Joe's dad was a medical doctor and he had just attended to two patients when he just collapsed and died..in the line of duty!!!! When I got to the hospital where BaJoe worked, they had not yet put away his body. My heart broke when I watched them remove his watch and valuables and hand over the rest of his belongings over to Joe ...I wept. Joe's dad loved him and Joe loved him too but his biggest regret right now is that he never got to say it to his dad's face that he loved him even though he did. I choose to believe that he knew that Joe and his other children loved him

Rest in Cousin Wilfred aka BaJoe or Blaz the Good Doc Willy. Your son Joe and the entire family will miss you.

Funeral Blues
By W.H.Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one:
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods:
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Making peace with my tears...sob,sob,sob..

2008-06-10T10:19:00.011+02:00

“No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader.” ~Robert Frost

I cry easily and often, Happy tears, sad tears, over-the-top tears…I am crier and can now say that I am glad I am. I cry at weddings, I cry when my friends give me gifts as well, I cry when someone makes good speech and I even cry when I am reading a sad book. Out of sheer joy, I cry at church more than anywhere else. When I hear a wondrous truth spoken or a glorious song lifted in praise, when I see a new believer step forward or an old saint read the Scriptures, I'm so overwhelmed with God's presence that tears flow down my cheeks. . I wail loudly and groan in the intercession rooms and then I feel a little awkward afterwards. But now I have finally come to that place where I have made peace with my non-stop tears.
I have a gift of compassion/Mercy gift, I want more than anything to help hurting people in my church who go to the altar for prayer. But the minute I hear their stories, I start weeping, and it would embarrass me until I came across an article that clarified that my teary problem was not an issue but a ministry of tears.
When you weep right along with people, your tears help keep them from feeling foolish. The Bible tells us to 'mourn with those who mourn' (Romans 12:15), and to 'comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God' (2 Corinthians 1:4)…so my tears and your tears help.
I laughed when I came across this verse in the book of Jeremiah 9:17-18
17 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Consider now! Call for the wailing women to come; send for the most skillful of them.
18 Let them come quickly and wail over us till our eyes overflow with tears and water streams from our eyelids.
After reading the verse above I realized that my crying resume would have qualified me to be among the most skillful of the wailing women so I smiled and made peace with myself.
God can use anything we surrender to him. Laughter and tears. Joys and sorrows. Victories and mistakes. Strengths and weaknesses. We minister to others best when we offer our true selves—"as is"—not waiting until we've cleaned up our act or dried up our tears, but right now, leaks and all.
I remember praying for someone who had been through a painful childhood and been abused, she gave her life to the Lord and she wept and I wept buckets and couldn’t utter any more words as I prayed with her and loved her. And you know what? She knew my heart. And God knew my heart.
Psalm 126:5
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. KJV
Psalm 56:8
Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? KJV

Bitter- Sweet Process Part 2

2008-06-09T16:20:00.003+02:00

The past weekend was bittersweet, The guy I like …Archie came to see me at work and he asked me to print out his resume. It wasn’t well formatted so I volunteered to retype it and I must say I did a pretty good job and managed to put into words what He had failed to put across. Archie is an Actuary ..He graduated from the University Of Waterloo, Canada with an Honours degree in Mathematics in Acturial Science and Statistics so I guess he’s just good at balancing figures and sums and doesn’t know much about writing. He was very happy with the resume I typed for him and He was so happy to see me… He is always smiling and vibrant and cheerful…the other ladies I share an office with have all fallen in love with his smile. As I was going through his resume, my heart leapt …our hearts beat for the same causes. He has a passions for politics and macro-economic development and is interested in stock markets and its just what I like. I have a passion for women’s ministry and He has a passion for Men’s ministry. Our eyes met when I was walking him out of my office…I just know it…He is the one. It doesn’t make sense right now and I know I have to be patient but there is a quiet confidence and peace in my heart about this….but it hasn’t come easy I had to come to that place of relinquishment and give up my dream of being with him to God… I still have to continue to relate to him in purity like a brother till he approaches me and I am not going to try and iniate or help him..He will seek me out and guess that’s my first test of submission…letting him lead and direct our relationship….

My housemate pulled a fast one on me and I felt hurt. She invited our ex housemate over to the house and only told me 5 minutes before they got to the house with another couple. I have forgiven NN my ex housemate but I still feel awkward that He used me and rejected me and chose EM, The realization that he used me to get EM’s attention hurt me and left me dejected. I came to that place where I forgave him but I supposed I never expected EM to start dating him right away after having seen how cruelly he treated me. When Em and NN came , I went to my room and tried to get someone to pick me up becoz I wanted to go to the All Night Prayer Virgil but I was unsuccessful. I tried to sleep but EM and company made so much noise, I felt as though they didn’t care about me and wanted to spite me. So I tried to run from this situation instead of facing it. The next day NN was still there so I went over to my friend’s house. I then realized that I have to take my ground and be strong and courageous. I forgave EM and NN, and I am about to be blessed with a good man who respects me, edifies me and shows me my worth, I cant let the enermy continue to taunt me with the EM-NN shenanigan. I forgave, I released and I am a whole person now. God grant me the serenity and grace to bear this uncomfortable situation.

Otherwise, I am thankful that God has my heart in His hands….

Taffy is established....

2008-06-04T16:21:00.004+02:00

I can now safely say that I am now firmly established in God. I have not been serving in any ministry at church or online ever since I ran the online single's ministry 3 years ago since then but now I know that the seed of calling had to die in order to produce growth and fruit..and I know God will do more through me and in me. My roots hav now grown even deeper and deeper into the love of God and whatever the devil is gonna try to throw at me will just shake me but not move me.

My prayer life is on another level.Gone are the days I would watch the clock during prayer time because I wasn't comfortable being alone with God, now I look forward to being alone and can pray in tongues for 2-3 hours without realizing how time has gone

I can't even wait to have children coz I know that the fruit of my womb is blessed and they will be taught by the Lord , they will not have to fight the battles that i have had to fight being a 1st generation christian coz they are children of promise, that just gets me so excited!!!! As for the father of these children I am very certain that he is round the corner I just have to keep gleaning and serving the Lord, Boaz will come ...and he will not rest till the matter is settled.

I came across this prophecy and it blessed me and I declare it over my life
"I sense a "Ruth and Boaz" anointing coming upon single men and women. A word to the Ruth's (single women) is: "Keep serving and gleaning unto the Lord where He is leading you...your Boaz is near!"And a word to the Boaz's (single men): "Untie your shoe* laces...and prepare yourself to redeem your 'Ruth'"

in line with Hebrew 13:7 "Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith." I take this time to honour Denise Gaisford my sunday school teacher, Mr.Guzha my grade 4 teacher, Mrs Mhlanga my high school Scripture Union teacher, Mrs Mataranyika for praying for the Holy Spirit baptism in high school,
Pastor George Chigwada for for fathering me and realising my calling when I was still in high school, David Smit for sherpherding me, Paul and Delia Vandoros for nurturing me and grooming my leadership skills, Abigail James for mothering me and many that have sowed a seed of love and destiny in my life, Mitchell Rose for realising my gifting and developing it and thank you God for Mitchell Rose for he gave me that platform to start and moderate Singled Out For God's Purpose on his online ministry 4 years ago and affirmed me and encouraged. Bless all these people and bless those that I may have omitted.Amen

MY Establishment-

2008-06-04T15:54:00.003+02:00

On this day the 31st of May 2008, My covenant with God was established for me and my offspring and I honoured the Men of God’s children, after I gave a love offering to the Men of God and their children, I realised that :

Hebrews 7:9-10 (Amplified Bible)
“9A person might even say that Levi [the father of the priestly tribe] himself, who received tithes (the tenth), paid tithes through Abraham,
10For he was still in the loins of his forefather [Abraham] when Melchizedek met him [Abraham].”

My covenant with God establishes generations to come. I made a covenant for the children who are in my womb so my seed honoured the children of the Men of God , therefore God has established both me and my descendant because they are in my womb.

I am a reformer and my descendants will be blessed.

PROMISES FROM GOD’S WORD ABOUT MY DESCENDANTS

Psalm 102:28 (New International Version)
28 The children of your servants will live in your presence; their descendants will be established before you."
Psalm 112:1-2
1[a] Praise the LORD. [b] Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands.
2 His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed
Psalm 103:17
17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children
Isaiah 54:13
13 All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace.
Deuteronomy 28:4
4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed…
Isaiah 44:3
3 For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants.
Isaiah 8:18
18 Here am I, and the children the LORD has given me. We are signs and symbols in Israel from the LORD Almighty, who dwells on Mount Zion.
Isaiah 61:9
9 Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the LORD has blessed."
Isaiah 65:23-24
23 They will not toil in vain or bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them.
24 Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.
Psalm 17:14
14 O LORD, by your hand save me from such men, from men of this world whose reward is in this life. You still the hunger of those you cherish; their sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children.
Joel 2:28
28 "And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.

Taffy....is a woman in love!!!

2008-05-30T14:37:00.007+02:00

My eyes are still teary, I took an hour’s break from work and went to sit in the garden and continued to read Francine River’s Redeeming Love. God began to speak tenderly to me and I couldn’t stop weeping, How He could ever love me in my broken state I cannot fathom.The character Angel in Francine Rivers had never known what love was, the result of an unwanted pregnancy from a woman’s adulterous affair with a married man, Angel eavesdrops on her father saying that He does not want Angel but only wants her mother..Eventually her mother dies and she is sold off as a child prostitute at eight and is abused by the people who own her until Michael Hosea sees her and obeys God’s word to marry Angel despite her profession and past. The struggle for Angel to receive Michael’s love made me weep even harder because I have not been letting God love me fully…Almost like expecting God to treat me like the people who raped me , molested me as a little girl and the people who used and abused me as an adult. God tearfully looked into my eyes and I saw the love …He loves me. The King of Kings loves me, I am a Bride of Christ. He loves me, as flawed as I am. I am sorry Lord that sometimes I have fallen in love with your creation instead of you…I have looked for love in the wrong place but now I know you are my source. I have been pursuing romantic relationships and this has been keeping me from pursuing Jesus wholeheartedly. Right now I just know that I am in love!!!!!!!!

Yesterday's message at the conference was about love being one of the two keys to unlocking the Kingdom.The pastor shared from Romans 5:3-5
"3Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance.
4And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of [a]character (approved faith and [b]tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] [c]joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation.
5Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us. "(Amplified version)
He then exhorted us to pursue love and said that our hurts and painful experiences create a love and a compassion for other christians. Then he took us to Corinthians 13, and made us replace the word love with our names for example my name is Tafadzwa so I had to say Tafadzwa is patient, Tafadzwa is kind, etc It was an awesome revelation of how God sees me.

As for the undefined friendship with Archie its been defined...Last night I went to a conference and I got a lift from Archie. He then told me that there is someone he met and who is the one God has chosen for him. They are not yet together as she is still resisting. It was such a blow but I am grateful that God had begun preparing me for the bombshell. I am glad that God has defined our relationship and I know I am going to be blessed by the friendship because Archie edifies me and encourages me in my walk. Part of me, which of course is my flesh still thinks that we are going to be together, because our views, dreams and some experiences are identical!!!!!!!! and Archie believes in having a big family and I desire twins and he has siblings who are twins so it would have been perfect. So Tafadzwa is having to die...I want to be in that place where I can genuinely be happy for my friend and brother in Christ Archie if he does marry someone else..this is not an easy process right now though but I still want to pursue emotional purity and I know this is the first test so yeah the sand castle that I had built is being washed away....and it hurts.
I know that maintaining emotional integrity will allow the greatest amount of freedom in my friendship with Archie and other godly young men. Archie shares quite a lot with me, he really opens up a lot to me but I thank God that unlike what I have done in the past I haven’t spilled everything about my past and who I am to him . I intend to continue sharing only what is important because I intend to make that type of deep connected relationship only with the man I will marry when we are courting…so I am quite pleased with myself in that regard.

In pursuit of purity...

2008-05-28T12:51:00.004+02:00

After having been led by the Holy Spirit, when I was picking a book from the church library...I picked"Every Woman's battle" by Shannon Ethridge & Stephen Arterburn. I have only just started reading this book but have come to realise that God wants to restore me but for Him to restore me, I need to pursue purity, not just sexually but emotionally as well. I have so much I need to let go and some mindsets that have to go. The only way women can survive the intense struggle for sexual integrity is by guarding not just our bodies, but our minds and hearts as well... So I am on a quest to be the woman that God's called me to be.I am also reading "Questions Women Ask in Private" - by Norm Wright. These books are really enlightening and I think I am going to buy my own copy of the book by Norm Wright because it touched on questions that married women have and has parenting questions and answers ..great book. Thank you God for making such rich Christian material available to me.

Its such a beautiful and exciting process being established in my identity as a woman of God and Bride of Christ. I would really want to radiate the beauty of God. In the past guys have been so drawn to me but its always been because of my looks not who I am. Its almost like all they could see was my hips and yet its every woman's desire to be desired because of who we really are and not what we look like.

I realise when I listen to God and guard my heart , I will be able to savour and enjoy friendships with godly young men without too much pressure and expectation for the friendship to lead to marriage. I realise that was the case with my new friend Archie. Even though he does have the qaulities I desire in a husband, I realise that right now Archie is my brother and I really don't wanna miss his purpose in my life..I thank you that You Lord have given me the Spirit of love, power and a sound mind. I thank you Lord that even the vain imaginations that I have of Archie and these thoughts and feeling can be taken captive to make them obey Christ. I don't want to lose focus of saviour and husband. I therefore present my body to you Lord Jesus as a living sacrifice. I desire to be a carrier of your glory Lord....I need you Holy Spirit to help me produce the fruit of the Spirit and for me to radiate the beauty of God.

I think that the phrase "guarding your heart" has a lot of inferred meaning...and some meaning that is different for different people.
As a female, I think for me it has always been something like this:
*Control your emotions and don't make decisions about a guy based on how you "feel" alone. Really look at the facts, evaluate the person on every level and make an informed decision. Female emotions are a good thing, but they can get in the way if not kept in check.
*Do not rush into any kind of relationship with the opposite sex--including a friendship. I think it's easy to find someone that you feel like you click with and then spill everything about your past and who you are. Deep, connected relationships should be saved for a relationship that is nearing marriage. Share what is important and introduce other things about yourself gradually--as long as you're straightforward and not hiding anything that you would want to know if the tables were turned.
*Pray earnestly about this person. Until you know that each of you is on the same page, do not let down your guard emotionally or physically. Overall, guarding your heart is using Godly wisdom to guide your steps in an opposite sex relationship and keeping emotions in check.

Pressing In for Breakthrough

2008-05-27T15:15:00.004+02:00

I have never felt as close to God as I feel now, I have been so lucky to have been housemates with a praying woman, Emma helped me in so many ways...she helped activate my prayer gift of intercession, It was in the very house that I am staying in that I received a higher level of tongues..It was more of a fresh anointing.. God had revealed himself to me and making me stronger in the inner man...giving me that Kratos (greek word for strength)

But the road hasnt been easy coz then there was the love triangle ...and Emma was the one chosen and i struggled with resentment towards her and yet she was being so good and yet now I donno if its all in my head but I feel as if she sizes me up and wants to compete with me...and i feel like she looks down upon me spiritually and otherwise...I know this might be me Lord so O pray that you would shower me with your love...that I would be so saturated with your love that however people choose to treat me or look at me doesnt change how you feel about me...

On the other hand my friendship with Archie is still undefined. He doesn't call as often I would want etc but hey for now Archie is my brother..I need to be more accountable to my gals and also just to guard my heart. He did make an effort last week to see me...He wanted to visit me at the house but I wasnt home...Then sometimes I'll send him a text message and it takes him like two days to reply!!!! well I sent him a message on Sunday and he only replied this Morning...two days later...but I am glad we are friends.

I have come to realise that I do not have a mentor and accountability partners...and I need to realign myself again and renegotiate some covenant relationships..and I have been getting Diana's name and even Eve Wazara's name . I am going to pray for wisdom, insight and instructions for renegotiating all covenant relationships

Lord I must decrease and you must increase.. I am desperate for more love and more power.. I pray that as I go on this absolute fast ....that my flesh would die so that the inner man would live out through me.. Lord, my prayer is that You will become an even greater reality in my life and that the things I have to deal with will grow strangely dim, in the light of Your glory.

I DECREE AND DECLARE, THAT I TAFADZWA L.GOTORA WILL EXPERIENCE NEW:
HOPE
JOY
PEACE
FRIENDSHIPS
POWER
OPPORTUNITIES FOR:
PROSPERITY
BUSINESS, MINISTRY, ETC.
DIRECTIONS
A NEW MINDSET
PARADIGM
COMMITMENT
ANOINTING
MANTLE
LIFE
HEALTH
BODY
WORSHIP ENCOUNTERS
LEVEL OF GIVING
MINISTRY

Tribute to my cousin Thabani

2008-05-27T14:54:00.004+02:00

Last Wednesday the 21st of May, My cousin went to be with the Lord. It was so sudden and no one in the family had been psychologically prepared for his death so it was hard. Best words to describe Thabani would have been gentle giant...He carried an air of authority about him and yet had a warm smile that had a way of putting us all at ease...

During my wild clubbing days, Thabani always made sure my crew and I got in for free, He made sure we had drinks and made sure that we got home safely. Thabani was fun loving but in the midst of it all he would look after everyone.. My heart goes out to his 23 year old widow and his 3 year old daughhter Mpho and his two year old son Tanaka...they look so much like him. My heart also aches for Thabani's younger brother Tazorodzwa who's 20. Thabani and Tazorodzwa's mum passed away 7 years ago and she was a single mum so Thabani was all Taz had...In his eulogy Taz described Thabani as the gift that their mum left for Taz..

Rest in peace my cousin my friend...Thank you for embracing me and loving me ...

Archie...my new friend

2008-05-16T14:32:00.003+02:00

Two days ago I met up with Archie. Archie is a guy I met through friends on the 22nd of December 2006. We were sitting with the same group of friends and we chatted for a while...and then Dakarai came along and I immediately switched from Archie to Dakarai..that in a way was a bad decision which I later regretted after realising that I had become another Dakarai statistic and just one of his trophy collection. I remember saying to my friend I " I should have just continued talking to Archie and never spoke to Dakarai coz I could tell Archie was a nice guy."

To cut a long story short...I never saw Archie again..until his sister added me as a friend on facebook and then my friend told me that the girl I had accepted as a friend was Archie's sister.. so I added him and we started talking again...and so May the 14th 2008 was our second meeting since December 2006.

So the meeting was profound in that we were so comfortable and talking about God, our callings and where God is taking us. He picked me up from work and we went to my pad and we watched a sermon on dvd by Dr. Mensa Otabil when He was speaking into the Zimbabwe situation and how God was raising up young Davids to slay this giant problem in Zimbabwe. After we watched the dvd we just chatted and he left.

Before I went to bed I got into a time of prayer and prayed in tongues for almost 2 hours then went to bed. I realise that Lord you allowed me to meet Archie because He is there to restore my confidence in Godly men since I had developed a disdain for them after several terrible experiences with them. For me Archie represents a real man ..a man of integrity... a man who's after God's heart and the fact that his passion is Men's ministry is a bonus. I don't know what the future holds but right now I intend to just savour the friendship and get to know him while I also learn from him and heal from past disappointment. I do not have high expectations ...its too early to tell, I will take each day as it comes....but I have been waiting for his call...and wow he has just sent me a text message...yay

I need to heal, I need to get over NN completely...and I need to continue to stand on the promise God made to me about how I would know my husband to me... The man I am going to marry will have these qualities...

Isaiah 11:2-3

"The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him— the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD -
and he will delight in the fear of the LORD. He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears; " NIV Version

"The life-giving Spirit of God will hover over him, the Spirit that brings wisdom and understanding,The Spirit that gives direction and builds strength, the Spirit that instills knowledge and Fear-of-God.Fear-of-God will be all his joy and delight.He won't judge by appearances, won't decide on the basis of hearsay." The Message Bible version

Bitter-Sweet Process

2008-05-14T16:45:00.007+02:00

Me.... Tafadzwa standing tall like a palm treee.. that stands tall even in a desert...roots did deeper...

The past 5/6 weeks have been a bitter and painful process and yet sweet and beautiful as well. Someone (NN) I had strong feelings for decided to get my hopes raised and then chose the other. i was devastated...I had grown so attached to him in so many ways...He had become a friend and someone who managed to make me smile...I miss our silly fights and yet He has never even bothered to call and find out if I am okay...I know he has moved on and forgotten about me but I am frustrated that I still think of him when He has moved on and is pursuing another girl.Yesterday and today I felt like sending him a message on His phone but I thank the Holy Spirit for self control...I did not do it and do not intend to. I am a closed chapter in His life and so should he. He never took the time to know me so He doesnt define me. He has affected the way i look at Christian guys.I realised that I have developed a disdain for Christian guys because of the way they treat girls...the impact of their rejection is more painful than that cozed by Non-Christian guys. It still hurts when I think all the time i caught him looking at me and i felt like it was love when our eyes met, It hurts to discover that it was just lust looking at me..It was like Amnon and Tamar in the bible..he was just plotting the day he would violate me...and then now that his lust was satisfied he won't even have anything to do with me...But like Tamar(name means palm tree)...my roots have had to dig deeper into the love of God and find the confidence, self esteem, dignity and honour that NN stole from me. Even though i have forgiven him sometimes the resentment keeps surging back then I have to remind myself that the devil is a liar.Like a palm tree I am standing tall ..I am alive ..rejection did not kill me...I am tall and towering above my adversaries...like a stately graceful queen...
Yet at the same time that I have been in pain God had been embracing me and overwhelming me with His love...I have had the most amazing experiences in the quiet place and these awesome revelations that have just made my heart melt like water...

Mother's Day....

2008-05-12T10:27:00.002+02:00

"This is the mother-love, which is one of the most moving and unforgettable memories of our lives, the mysterious root of all growth and change; the love that means homecoming,shelter, and the long silence from which everything begins and in which everything ends." —C. G. Jung, Aspects of the Feminine

May ….No Longer the month of loss and mourning….

2008-05-07T12:17:00.001+02:00

my darling dad 09/06/1936-04/05/2005

mum and i on her wedding.. R.I.P Mum 26/2/1945-17/5/2006

May has always been a difficult month for me..It all started on the 18th of May in 2003 When my oldest sister Sikhangele Patience died from Aids at the age of 36 leaving her two beautiful children and leaving my mum with a broken heart. I had a lost a friend and the fact that my sister was 13 years older than me mearnt that there was a maternal aspect to our relationship. I lost my prayer partner .What kept me sane was the fact that my sister was a born again and spirit filled Christian. I knew she was no longer in pain and I knew she was happy in Heaven The 4th of May 2005 ..was another painful event My father who I looked to for affirmation and validation passed away at the age of 69. My world collapsed. I was so angry…I didn’t understand and blamed God although God never left my side and yes my dad was saved. ..As if that wasn’t enough My mum died exactly a year later in the same Month of May. My beautiful mother and strongest woman of God I ever knew died on the 17th of May in 2006… My 44 year old half sister Lynn Rachel died the very day as my mum but I failed to attend her funeral because I had to organise my mum’s funeral..Lynn Rachel exuded life and verve and she always told me that she loved me...I regretted not being there for her when she requested to see me because she needed money. Instead of waiting for her I left money for her to collect. The month on May has always represented pain and loss and loneliness but no more. From 2008 onwards May will be a month of gain and joy unspeakable….I will celebrate the lives of my lost family members because I know they have become heavenly spectators cheering me on in the race of life…

I Corinthians 15:55 O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting?

Love sought for me...

2008-04-21T11:53:00.003+02:00

It was right in the midst of a terrible storm...
I was frightened because it was so dark...
My clothes were wet and my body was numb from the cold
My feet were swollen and blistered because i had walked many a mile
In search of a place to call home....
A safe place to rest.
I started crying because I was frightened and alone...
I needed somewhere to hide ...a safe shelter from the storm
But there was nothing in sight...

Then Love beckoned me....
I was too scared to trust....
Having been used and abused in the past i put up a defence
But love wouldnt give up on me...
Love cried and pleaded with me and
Wouldnt leave my side...

Love was beside me in storm and wouldnt leave
I gave in and laid down my defence and gave in...
Then Love welcomed me Home
Love welcome me into my new Home with Acceptence
Thats where I intend to stay till Jesus comes back for me...
To take me to the Home that He is preparing for me...

Written By Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora 2008

Deaths of my parents...

2008-04-21T10:47:00.001+02:00

It all came about rather suddenly, my father was 69 years old and to me, he was my hero. He was Superman. The strongest, most accomplished man I had ever met. He worked hard and was eternally devoted to his family. Never in my wildest dreams, did I ever consider he would become sick in any way .He started to forget things and his personality began to change and it broke my heart.One day he drove off and got lost and had no idea where he was, I called him on his cellphone and he kept telling us the wrong thing and then we heard someone talking in the background and we asked dad to give the other person his phone and he did...and we asked that person where dad was and he told us..thats how we found him.

Suddenly dad needed to be babysat as he would walk out of the house and then start calling out that he was lost, it broke my heart to witness how his confusion terrified him and so drastically there was a reversal of roles as I had to take care of him and he could no longer father me.When he went in for surgery on his prostate I had a hunch he would never get up again and he indeed never got up again and eventually died on the 4th of May 2005 a month before his 69th birthday on a Wednesday afternoon in my mum's arms. He was the family's pillar and was the breadwinner not only for his family but his siblings' families as well as my grandmother so it was devastating and a very heavy blow to me since I was his favourite child I think because we were so alike and I suppose because I was born when both he and my mum were old and in their forties. I relied on my dad for affirmation and was pampered and spoiled by him so much , he never forgot my birthday, right now I still have the old birthday cards he bought me and the expensive silver watch he bought me when I turned 21 because he couldn't find a 21st birthday key.

Although I handled my emotions well after the funeral, I fell apart a few months later.The one thing I am grateful for is though daddy lost his sense of times and places he never forgot who he was or forgot his close family and because I was out of work that time I had anopportunity to take care of him and honour him for the way he showed me love .. Fortunately the time he died I had started working so I bought him a beautiful white and gold casket to go home in.The funeral went well; we buried him in his home village in Chiweshe on a mountain where his ancestors and forefathers are all buried. There were so many people it was unbelievable that my dad made such an impact on people's lives, I listened to their testimonies of my dad's generosity and kindness and cheerfulness.Being such a staunch Anglican my dad's funeral went the way he would have wanted....there were swarms of people in blue and white uniforms, His parish priest even came all the way to the village for the funeral and so we had a mass and holy communion before he was laid to rest. I felt so proud to be his daughter....He was such a special man.

My mother's death hit me harder, I think. When mum got ill with Meningitis the following year in 2006 in the month of April, watching her in pain was difficult...because sometimes she would cry out in pain and my sister and aunts would run and attend to her whileI'd just cover my head with my blankets because I couldn't stand to face what was happening. As a result of the meningitis she lost her hearing and sight and it pained me when she wouldn't recognise me and we couldn't communicate but the last evening I saw her alive, she couldn't hear me then I prayed that God would intervene and we managed to talk, she even remembered me then and asked me that 'how come I managed to hear?' She then promised me that the next day she would be better after her bath. And truly the next day after her bath, she sat up and talked and miraculously recognised all the people who visited her that day.That was the last day I saw her alive because I lived and worked in a different town. She then got worse the following week and later died in her sleep, I was at work during that time. I think she left me with a wonderful memory of her temporarily recovering her hearing and sight and being able to sit up and chat to her visitors.During mum's funeral I couldn't cry and was so out of touch.

Although my mum was a quiet and unassuming woman, I was amazed to see the number of people who came to pay their last respects to her and even when she was ill,she had many visitors, I remember when she was in hospital my dad's cousin Joseph Msika who is the Vice President of our nation Zimbabwe visited her and everyone at the hospital was shocked that such a humble woman received such an important visitor who at that time was also recovering from liver surgery and yet he visited my mum in his poor state of health.

Mom died in her sleep on the 17th of May 2006 at the age of 61 on a Wednesday like my dad and exactly a year after him, she looked so peaceful in her casket like she was sleeping and had a feint smile and was buried in her Anglican Church 'Mother's Union' uniform. There were so many people who came to pay their last respects, and because she was a nurse in the Mazowe district for almost 30 years there were senior Ministry of health officialsand many nurses in uniforms. When we were going to bury her the nurses in uniform were marching in front of the hearse with burning candles and then the Anglican Church 'Mother's Union'ladies in uniform marched behind the nurses. At the gravesidethe nurses again made that Florence Nightingale Nurses' Pledge(that they make when they qualify) and lit candles in honour of my mum and then handed over to the church to conduct the burial.The amazing thing is my mum was a very simple person and very humble I never thought she would get the accolades and honour she got....but now I realise she not only touched our family's lives but many people through her job and her humility.

I'm not sure what the true test of life is, but death is truly one of the exams. I have learned so much, and regretted so much.I have reflected and pondered and am still at a loss. When my dad died, I had lost a parent. When my mom died, I lost a family....Mom was the one who kept my siblings and me together, and made us feel like we still had a home, and a parents love and in a way was the link to most relatives. When she went, so did that feeling. Confusion and loneliness is an understatement. It was terrifying. Someone said that "when we lose a parent we lose partof ourselves, we lose our childhood, and our youth is behind usforever. This is a Grief in itself." The death of a parent shakes the very foundation of our lives and the death of both parents means having to stand alone...as a fully fledged adult.Losing both parents has become a spur to review my priorities and values. Suddenly wealth and possessions are not the be all and end all to me, having family, being rooted in the Lord, doing things I love to do like reading a good book with a glass of wine by the side etc are the most valuable things now.I still think about them everyday. I still yearn for their pride,their approval and just assume it is there. I want to do well and make them proud. It hurts though that they will not be there to see me get married, celebrate the births of my children and my children will never know them. My parents will never be there to share my successes and failures and future joys and sorrows. I know they have become heavenly spectators and are looking down on me with a tear in their eyes spurring me on to keep running the race....because that's just how parents are.

The story of my redemption....

2008-04-17T15:27:00.001+02:00

My first encounter with the Lord was at the tender age of nine at Amandas Sunday School when I was led to the Lord by a woman named Denise Gaisford who was then my teacher. I got my first bible then after reciting 3 memory verses to Denise, I fell in love with the Bible then and couldn’t stop reading it. I enjoyed reading it so much that soon my fairytale books like Cinderella and Snow White then took second place to the Bible because it captured me and I was so busy memorising new memory verses so Denise could give me more Bible stickers to stick in my new Bible. My family was Anglican and yet not regular attendants at that time. I was so hungry for God that at the age of eleven I asked Denise to pray for me to receive the gift of tongues, I never received it then but I was still yearning for more of God. I attended many Scripture Union Camps at that time.

At the age of twelve I was a boarder at my school and young lady who was Anglican and a bursar at my school told me she was getting confirmed the following week, I begged her to ask for permission to leave the school with me so that I could also be confirmed. The hostel matron allowed the bursar to take me and so I was confirmed and got my first communion. My parents found out that I had been confirmed when they came to visit at school. I never knew how much that touched them until they suddenly became regular churchgoers and even arranged for my younger brother, the following year to be confirmed and this time the whole family was there to witness him receive his first communion.

I was so in love with Jesus in Junior School I never thought it would go wrong. I attended many Scripture Union camps and had an intimate relationship with God. Then I went to High School. Again, I was a boarder and there I suffered from an identity crisis, encountered rejection from peers and was a constant rebel in class just so I could get attention. There were a couple of times I went to Scripture Union but I never changed. This went on for five years until my last year of High School. On the 23rd of May in the year 2000 and my final year in school, all the boarders from my school went to watch a play called ‘Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames’. I made a recommitment to the Lord that night and was baptised by the Holy Spirit two days later and spoke in tongues.
That was the turning point. The call upon my life had been placed on me at Amandas Sunday School and I had strayed but The Good Sherpherd had come to find me and put His seal on me and suddenly all the verses and stuff I knew about from the Bible were illuminated in my memory even though it had been so long.

After my ‘A’Levels I moved to Marondera a town here in Zimbabwe and joined the Vineyard Movement. I lived in a Christian Community where I experienced the love of God and received healing for the wounds of being raped at the age of four, molested and abused by female housesitters and being rejected because I was not born a boy and many other painful things.

In God have I found and continue to find wholeness. I know there are many broken women who need to hear my story and realize that there is hope……..and even for the orphans because I am also an orphan and have also experienced many losses, having lost 3 siblings and a nephew to date.

God’s love has proved to me that I have no reason to be ashamed of anything I have been through in my lifetime. God used all those life experiences as stepping stones that have made me, shaped me and moulded me to be the woman of God that I am today. Though I have wrestled with a past that has been fractured and wounded ,God forgives and forgets and is pleased to use any vessel just as long as it is cleaned by His blood.

I choose to trust God...

2008-04-17T12:10:00.000+02:00

Although right now I am experiencing a broken heart, the wrenching emptiness and the horror of rejection and seeing the guy concerned go about his merry way and pursue another right in my face. I am going to trust in God. The tears have been falling Lord...and sometimes the feelings range from jealousy. anger, resentment, and one minute i think i am fine the next i am throwing a tantrum and throwing a pity party... and comparing myself to the girl who was chosen.

But Lord i know you are dealing with my heart, I know you want to heal me completely and restore me.Everyday I am learning .....I am learning to trust in you. I am learning to believe that you love me....that you know the real flawed and insecure me and yet you still love me...

I have to remember that you want me, you chose me....I am awed that you think i am worthwhile...

Lord I hank you that you have changed my name, that I am no longer called Lonely, outcast,wounded or afraid... I Thank you that you call me by a new name: confidence, Beloved, overcoming one, Friendof God, Joyfuness, Chosen and Sought After.

Now I know that I am Accepted , Affirmed, Cradled , Held and Loved by my Father God.

Lord, I am willing to allow You to bring Your revelation to me about the condition of my heart. I am willing to see if I veered off the path You designed for me from the beginning. I am willing to travel home and find Your healing so that I can finally rest in Your house . . .in Your heart. Please hear my cry and take me at my word. I trust in You and Your grace for me in this journey. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

True Beauty-Author Unknown

2008-04-16T16:22:00.000+02:00

What is beauty?

Is it really skin deep?

Or is it honestly depicted in Cosmopolitan magazines?

Commercials for Revlon or Hollywood movie screens?

Cause if that it beauty, then it is something we do not need

With bleached hair, coloured contacts, chipped noses and chins,

face lifts, tucked stomachs and enlarged lips,

slimmed hips to mimic Barbie dolls and lure wannabe Ken’s and live in an imaginary world,

where nothing is real – except your lack of self-esteem-

cause it’s the devil’s scheme to set an illusion of standards:

like women must be under a certain weight, or they are overweight

when God gave then a body that the heavens’ celebrate.

But in a culture of which measures success by money and appearance,

we are often lured into this shinning darkness with false promises

or a fulfilling fantasy that, ТALL WILL BE WELL, IF ONLY I CAN FIX MY IMPERFECTIONS! failing to realize that beauty stems from the inside out, not the outside in

and our bodies are not our own but temples of Him.

So rebel against the standards society spews, and relish in the magnificence of your inner self- keeping in mind that the physical is merely a vessel,

it fades away, temporary like grey clouds and rain and with time we will die

How will YOU be remembered?

For your physical attributes?

Or for you understanding and truth?

For your facial features, or what your character teaches???

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder,

but if the beholder is God, then it is found within

Breakthrough...at last- 10/09/2007

2008-04-16T14:49:00.000+02:00

So here I am, have come a long way and faced a lot of adversity, pain, rejection, loss of of parents, verbal and mental abuse, rape and I am still standing!!!!!All those years I thought I was worthless and not good enough.. Suddenly Having God on my side I realise that I deserve love...I have learnt and still am learning to love myself..

I love photography, I love capturing beautiful, magical moments into still life. I look at the photos of me and I see beauty, a softness and a radience beams out out of me.. I see a genuine heart that wants to love and help,A compassionate heart...A joyful counternance..There is so much beauty in me …Most importantly the Lord Jesus Christ dwells in my heart.I am learning to trust again and by God’s grace I survivedEach day I am growing, Each day I am learning, Every day in every way I am getting better and better..

Even that boy who hurt me doesn’t have a hold of me anymoreI have released him from my heart as well as the curses that resulted From him being in my life…..Now when I see him, I don’t let him get the best of meI can be in the same room as him and not cause any dramaEven his flashy cars,fancy trips around the world those flashy parties he throws and all his social climbing anticsdon’t affect me anymore…I have moved on..I don’t feel like his victim anymore..

Suddenly Lauren Hill's lyrics apply to my life:

As I look at what I've done
The type of life that I've lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
and out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than any oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

WHERE WOULD I BE?

2008-04-16T14:44:00.000+02:00

Had it not been for your enduring love
I would not be here in your secret place

Just being in your presence and overwhelmed by your love
I can’t even begin to think of any other place I would want to be
Besides sitting on your laps and surrounded by those loving arms.

Nail pierced Lord where else could I find peace, joy and healing
Where would I be?
If it hadn’t been for you
If you hadn’t taken my place at the cross.

I would be nowhere without you Jesus…
Truly Lord Jesus I would be nowhere,
I would not be where I am right now in
The Shadow of your wings.

Written in 2001 by Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora

All For me

2008-04-16T14:39:00.000+02:00

Lord I can never comprehend the agony that you went through for me
Here during your time on earth as a Man of sorrows.
You were so despised and rejected by man but
You did it all for me because you loved me.

Oh Lord sometimes I just can’t bear to think of it at all,
You on your way to the cross,
I think of how they stripped you, mocked you and humiliated you
I think of how they laughed and spat in your face
As they put a crown of thorns on you

You would not even speak a word to defend yourself when they falsely accused you.
Thirty-nine times they whipped you like a criminal for a crime that I had committed
The thirty-nine lashes left deep stripes in your back yet you silently took it all
And even went on to carry your cross on your wounded bleeding back.

On that cross you were so lonely, rejected, helpless and thirsty, yet you took it all.
It was your wonderful love for me that drove you to that cross in the first place.
You took all that disgrace for me and bore my pain and shame for me and even bled from your brow because you loved me.

Your love proved to be even stronger than death because today you still live.
And I live because you took it all for me.
You washed my sins away with your blood and gave me eternal life.

Written in 2002 by Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora

JESUS - THE LOVER OF MY SOUL

2008-04-16T14:22:00.000+02:00

I WAS BROKEN

REJECTED

AND IN A TERRIBLE LIFELESS STATE.

THINGS SEEMED TO GET WORSE
AND WORSE
YET I TRIED SO HARD.

THE SEARCH FOR ACCEPTANCE
AND FOR WHO I REALLY WAS
CONTINUED TO BE FRUITLESS,
UNFULFILLING
AND NEVERENDING...

YOU SEE
I TRIED TO DO ALL I COULD TO GET IT
TO GET SOMETHING TO FILL THAT EMPTINESS
IN MY HEART
BUT I FOUND NO SOLACE- BUT I STILL RAN ON...
I WANTED TO BE FREE
I WANTED TO ESCAPE
FROM THE CHAIN OF EMOTIONAL PAIN
THAT WAS
BOILING
IN ME

THE NEGATIVE WORDS
AND THEIR RIDICULE
AND TAUNTS
WERE LIKE FIERY DARTS
AIMING FOR MY WEAK
AND BROKEN HEART.

THE TORMENT WAS SO PAINFUL
BUT I FOUND NO RELIEF

IT FELT LIKE THERE WAS NO HOPE OF ESCAPING.

THEN HE CAME SEARCHING FOR ME
HE FINALLY FOUND ME

STANDING ALONE,

NAKED
COLD
BLEEDING
AND HEAVILY YOKED.

HIS EYES BEHELD ME AND IN ONE GLANCE
FELL IN LOVE WITH ME.
HE LOOKED PAST MY BROKEN STATE
AND MY DIRTY STENCH FROM THE PAST
AND SAW ME AS
'COMPLETE'
WHOLE
BEAUTIFUL
AND PRECIOUS.

WITH HIS EYES HE SAW THE FINISHED ARTICLE
AND NOT THE ROUGH UNCUT DIAMOND I WAS.

HE LIFTED UP MY HEAD AND LOOKED INTO MY EYES WITH COMPASSION
AND WIPED THE TEARS FROM MY EYES.

HE CLEANSED ME
WITH HIS PRECIOUS BLOOD
AND CLOTHED ME
WITH A ROBE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
AND A GARMENT OF PRAISE,
AND WRAPPED AROUND MY BRUISED,
BATTERED SHOULDERS
THE CLOAK OF INTEGRITY.

HE GAVE ME A NEW NAME AND IDENTITY.
HE MADE ME A SOMEBODY
- A NUBIAN PRINCESS
AND A WOMAN OF VIRTUE.
HE PUT A BEAUTIFUL GOLD RING ON MY FINGER
AND MADE ME HIS WIFE.
HE ALSO ADORNED MY HEAD
WITH A BEAUTIFUL CROWN
AND MADE ME AN HEIRESS
TO HIS UNSEARCHABLE RICHES
AND FILLED THAT EMPTINESS
THAT I HAD TRIED TO FILL ON MY OWN
HE FILLED THAT EMPTINESS TO OVERFLOWING.

HE LED ME TO DRINK THE LIVING WATER
AND IN ONE INSTANT
MY THIRST AND HUNGER
WERE FULFILLED.

LIKE A WEANED BABY IN ITS MOTHER'S ARMS
FOR THE FIRST TIME
MY SOUL FOUND REST SURPRISED TO BE LOVED
AND AMAZED
TO FIND
ALL THAT I HAD SEARCHED FOR
IN HIS ARMS.

I HAD FINALLY FOUND THE ONE
WHO MY SOUL LOVED -
THE ONE
WHO MY FLESH AND SOUL HAD CRIED OUT FOR.

I WILL HOLD ON TO HIM FOREVER
AND
NEVER
LET HIM GO.

WRITTEN BY TAFADZWA LILLIAN GOTORA
(Taffy)
29/10/03

I CHOOSE TO LOVE

2008-04-16T14:20:00.000+02:00

Does one stop loving because they have not received love in return for theirs?
Does one stop giving because they have not been thanked?
Does one stop trusting because they have been cheated?

The urge to build a wall and shut out everyone because of the fear of being rejected, cheated, misunderstood and maligned is quite strong but I choose to love selflessly like my Lord, He did not stop trusting Peter even though he had denied him three times,
He still entrusted Peter with the keys,

He was rejected and humiliated on the cross by people he loved, people who He wanted to redeem, people He had come on earth to set free, people whose broken hearts He had come to bind, whose eyes He had come to open, whose sins He had chosen to take upon His shoulders,
Whose pain He had chosen to bear in their place
-But still He loved and still today He loves regardless of what we do, and because He is LOVE will love till eternity.

Yes I will cry, but I will not wallow in self-pity and harden my heart, I will still love with vulnerability and compassion,
I will choose to forgive and move on to greater heights in the affected relationship.
I will still stretch out my hand in peace to my antagonists; my arms will be wide open for them when they need comfort.
I will still love because He still loves me when I hurt Him, when I disobey and when I go astray.

I will love despite the pain, hurt and the betrayal, I will love even more with abandonment. I will love even more loyally and with fervor and put the pain of the past behind me in order to love again.

Written By Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora
20/12/03

The Emancipation of Tafadzwa ...

2008-04-16T14:00:00.002+02:00

For so long I have walked with my head hung low,
For so long I have carried these heavy burdens of life,
For so long I have shed many a tear and cried myself to sleep
For so long I have allowed them to walk all over me,
For so long I have allowed them to use me and abuse me
For so long I have wallowed in self pity...
For so long I have been down under..
For so long I have been their victim...
For so long I have believed the lie that I wasnt worth much
For so long I have allowed the cruelty towards me to define me
For so long I have allowed myself to be their object of ridicule
For so long I have partnered with my enermies to destroy me

But Today ....I evolve
But Today... yes my legs are trembling but I 'AM' standing
But Today...I look into my heart and I see strength
But Today..I look into my mirror and discover beauty epitomised
But Today...I look at my scars and realise that I am a Surviver
But Today...I think of everything i have overcome and realise I am a Victor
But Today...I see that its my obligation to love me, not anybody’s
But Today...I see my capabilities, strengths, gifts and beauty.But Today...I love me...
TODAY TAFADZWA HAS EVOLVED
Written by Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora on 07/06/2007

I AM/ I SHALL

2008-04-16T12:09:00.000+02:00

I am capable. I am worthwhile.I am beautiful. I am loveable.I shall accept both my strengths and weaknesses for they are me.

I shall never again believe the “lie” that if I make a mistake,I am a mistake.My mistakes are the learning tools that I shall encounter on my life journey.

When I learn from my mistakes, I give them meaningWhen I give my mistakes meaning, I can begin to forgive myself,I can begin to heal.

I shall not use my mistakes as excuses to give up on me…
My mistakes are not me.

I shall seek the wisdom to nurture my heart, mind, body and soulso that I may feel more centred, providing an energy reserve…
…that allows me to climb the mountains in my own life
…that allows me to love and support others who are climbing a different mountain
…that allows time for friends, play and the celebration of life.

I shall allow myself to feel capable so that I may seek excellence.
I shall allow myself to feel sadness so that joy may return.
I shall allow myself to feel joy so that I may be revitalised.
I shall allow myself to feel afraid so that I may find courage.
I shall allow myself to feel alone so that I may know me.
I shall allow myself to feel beautiful so that I may feel free.
I shall allow myself to feel loveable so that the loving may seek me.
I shall allow myself to feel pain so that I may heal.
I shall allow myself to feel worthy so that I may fulfil my purpose.

When I am centred, I see the perfection in the world, myself and others.When I find the world to be imperfect,I will take responsibility for painting it that way.I will look into the heart of a rose, or the eyes of a newborn babyand again know perfection.

I take responsibility for creating my own life story through the choices I have made.
To blame others is to give away my personal power.
Who will I allow to write the next chapter of my life?
I shall seek the courage to believe in a God who will laugh with me in the sunlight or cry with me in the darkness. I shall make a small difference on this planet through the work I do.
When I leave I will have done my share.

I shall live, love, laugh, and learn on my journey.

Being An Orphan- My Experience

2008-04-16T12:05:00.000+02:00

I'm not sure what the true test of life is, but death is trulyone of the exams. I have learned so much, and regretted so much.I have reflected and pondered and am still at a loss. When my dad died, I had lost a parent. When my mom died, I lost a family....Mom was the one who kept my siblings and me together, and made us feel like we still had a home, and a parents love and in a way was the link to most relatives. When she went, so did that feeling. Confusion and loneliness is an understatement. It was terrifying. Someone said that "when we lose a parent we lose partof ourselves, we lose our childhood, and our youth is behind usforever. This is a Grief in itself." The death of a parent shakes the very foundation of our lives and the death of both parents means having to stand alone...as a fully fledged adult.Losing both parents has become a spur to review my priorities and values. Suddenly wealth and possessions are not the be all and end all to me, having family, being rooted in the Lord, doing things I love to do like reading a good book with a glass of wine by the side etc are the most valuable things now.I still think about them everyday. I still yearn for their pride,their approval and just assume it is there. I want to do well and make them proud. It hurts though that they will not be there to see me get married, celebrate the births of my children and my
children will never know them. My parents will never be there to share my successes and failures and future joys and sorrows. I know they have become heavenly spectators and are looking down on me with a tear in their eyes spurring me on to keep running therace....because that's just how parents are.

JOURNEY OF SELF DISCOVERY

2008-04-16T11:53:00.001+02:00

I have packed up my bags and am ready to leave My Pain behind..:
I am living behind the Heartaches, Disappointments, and Failures…
This time there is no room for Negative Criticism
I am definitely leaving behind Bitterness, and Rejection,
Low-self esteem is not coming on this trip and neither is Regret
You see only Me, Myself and I are going away this time,
This time it's only Me who gets to go, This time it's about Me,
This time "Me" gets to have her way
This time "Me" get to take time out…
None of my former companions who I have named above are welcome..
None of these mates of mine are coming with me on this journey ….
This journey that I am on is an exciting one
This journey that I am on is a journey of a lifetime
So I won't be coming back to My Pain,
I won't be coming back to Heartaches, Disappointments, Failures..
I am definitely not coming back to Negative Criticism, Bitterness and Rejection
Neither am I coming back to Low-Self Esteem and Regret
This time I am leaving all my former vices behind …
I am on a journey… a journey of self discovery
I won't even look back because I will be busy meeting Joy
I will be so busy acquainting myself with Success and discovering Peace
I will be hanging out with Encouragement and socialising with Confidence
And Acceptance.. And at the end of it all…..
I will permanently move in with Jesus who awaits me at the end of the Journey

Written by Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora 07/06/2007

God chooses me....

2008-04-16T11:52:00.002+02:00

Ps 27:13 I had fainted , unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.I am still in pain, Sometimes resentment surges back when i think that NN doesnt feel the same way i felt about him and that right now his focus is is redeeming himself with Emma and their church family..i am the list of his priorities so it hurts. I do accept responsibility that i should have guarded my own heart, that i should have not given into him and i know i owe Emma an apology .i am going to apologise to her.What i want right now Lord is to be embraced by you, To know your love fathering me, I want to feel your arms enfold me and hear you whisper words of love. I want to love every man. I choose to love in spite... Lord i know you love me so teach me to accept your love, to trust that you wont let me down...

Cycle of Rejection

2008-04-16T11:50:00.001+02:00

I know God delivered me from my wounded spirit, i know you did,so why does this cycle of rejection keep occuring? Most Christian guys i meet just want to sleep with me, instead of noticing the Christ in me , all they notice is me is my body. Is there something i am doing wrong Lord? Please Lord show me my flaws. Do I seduce them indirectly? Should i dress more discreetly? Speak to me. How come they won't get to know the real me, why do they just see me as a sexual entity? I know you love me Lord but right now I am hurting. I am hurting about NN. I feel so used and my ego is bruised becoz he chose EM...EM has been so good to me but i am feeling some resentment towards her coz of NN and that just makes me feel even worse...When will this emotional turmoil end?I have chosen to forgive NN but sometimes the resentment keeps surging up and i just want to strangle him.I am so angry Lord...i want to love evryone including those who have hurt me but i cant do it in my own strength, overwhelm me with your love...Lord...just shower me with your love....