As 2009 draws to an end i am sad and in so much pain and yet there is so much exciting stuff that God has for me in 2010, I have always yearned to be in church but now I find that I have to push myself to go to church because of all the aspersions that have been cast on my character regarding an undefined relationship that had no boundaries. JT is taking out his grief on me and a lot has been said by people and it hurts , I mean I feel naked...exposed, like really he has done damage to me and yet I have been there for him now, he acts like we were never close...i have been accused of stalking him and yet I never went to his place ,he came to mine lotsa times but how do I get through this humiliation?..…I just stand on God’s word and promise that I can choose to make this difficult circumstance a stepping stone to the manifestation of His grace and glory. And really my passion is that my life would glorify His name. I refuse to let the enemy use this situation to neutralize me. …We talk about God’s glory but no one mentions the process to glory…the protocol to glory is suffering…as
1Pe 1:11 They tried to find out when the time would be and how it would come. This was the time to which Christ's Spirit in them was pointing, in predicting the sufferings that Christ would have to endure and the glory that would follow.
1Pe 4:13 Rather be glad that you are sharing Christ's sufferings, so that you may be full of joy when his glory is revealed
Rom 8:18 I consider that what we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.
Its in black and white, the glory is revealed after we have gone through some form of suffering for Christ. So I just try to visualize the glory that will be revealed in me after this storm is over, how my heart will have been dealt with and more Christlike, how I will have more compassion on those suffering rejection, how I will be able to touch many lives with my testimony, How I will radiate the love and life of Christ, that alone gives me the courage to persevere .Funny thing is God spoke to me when He sent me to Braeside Church in April 2009 and I wrote it down in my journal in March I think:
I am reading a book called "Yesterday I cried" written by some new age person called Iyanla Vanzant and am finding it useful, I just change what she refers as spirit to Holy Spirit and whole lot of other terms that they use so that they agree with scripture.. I am learning so much and really am learning that some of the things that have been happening to me I played a part things like:
Doing things I believe people will make people like me
Ignoring the pain instead of losing a familiar situation
Needing to be liked to my own self detriment
Asking other people what they think I should do
Being afraid of myself
Not trusting myself
Not valuing myself
Putting everyone else’ need above mine
Not asking for help when I need it
I just want and have a need to be loved and yet it starts with me, I have to relearn how to love myself and surround myself with people who love me and celebrate me. I celebrated Xmas just the way my late dad taught me, went to church for the Xmas service ...Dad would always make sure that we all attend Church together on Christmas,mum was not always there because as a nurse sometimes she would be on duty at the Hospital so I did what my late folks would have wanted and celebrated their memories on Christmas day.God really ministered His love to me and I was encouraged.Somehow I know that whatever is going on in my life right now will count for something,I Know I will be okay because God has a lot in store for me including someone who is going to love me and celebrate who I am ,someone who will show his love for me in public,someone who will pray for me and with me and protect and cover me...2010 HERE I COME.!!!!
FOR YOU O LORD ARE A SHIELD FOR ME,MY GLORY AND YOU LIFT MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU FOR LIFTING MY HEAD
1Pe 1:11 They tried to find out when the time would be and how it would come. This was the time to which Christ's Spirit in them was pointing, in predicting the sufferings that Christ would have to endure and the glory that would follow.
1Pe 4:13 Rather be glad that you are sharing Christ's sufferings, so that you may be full of joy when his glory is revealed
Rom 8:18 I consider that what we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.
Its in black and white, the glory is revealed after we have gone through some form of suffering for Christ. So I just try to visualize the glory that will be revealed in me after this storm is over, how my heart will have been dealt with and more Christlike, how I will have more compassion on those suffering rejection, how I will be able to touch many lives with my testimony, How I will radiate the love and life of Christ, that alone gives me the courage to persevere .Funny thing is God spoke to me when He sent me to Braeside Church in April 2009 and I wrote it down in my journal in March I think:
.
Tafadzwa I want you to love my children at Braeside.some of them will hurt you and some won’t understand you but just love them. From now on you will see them as I see them, I see them as precious. Even the mean ones you will clearly see and perceive their pain. You will see, your level of discernment has increased so you will see their need even in their cruel intentions. You are going to hate no man, you will just love them, even the ones who have wounded you and pierced you, you will love them, you will realize and say ‘what you mearnt to hurt me God mearnt for my good and to save the lives of many
I am reading a book called "Yesterday I cried" written by some new age person called Iyanla Vanzant and am finding it useful, I just change what she refers as spirit to Holy Spirit and whole lot of other terms that they use so that they agree with scripture.. I am learning so much and really am learning that some of the things that have been happening to me I played a part things like:
Doing things I believe people will make people like me
Ignoring the pain instead of losing a familiar situation
Needing to be liked to my own self detriment
Asking other people what they think I should do
Being afraid of myself
Not trusting myself
Not valuing myself
Putting everyone else’ need above mine
Not asking for help when I need it
I just want and have a need to be loved and yet it starts with me, I have to relearn how to love myself and surround myself with people who love me and celebrate me. I celebrated Xmas just the way my late dad taught me, went to church for the Xmas service ...Dad would always make sure that we all attend Church together on Christmas,mum was not always there because as a nurse sometimes she would be on duty at the Hospital so I did what my late folks would have wanted and celebrated their memories on Christmas day.God really ministered His love to me and I was encouraged.Somehow I know that whatever is going on in my life right now will count for something,I Know I will be okay because God has a lot in store for me including someone who is going to love me and celebrate who I am ,someone who will show his love for me in public,someone who will pray for me and with me and protect and cover me...2010 HERE I COME.!!!!
FOR YOU O LORD ARE A SHIELD FOR ME,MY GLORY AND YOU LIFT MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU FOR LIFTING MY HEAD
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