Breakthrough...at last- 10/09/2007

So here I am, have come a long way and faced a lot of adversity, pain, rejection, loss of of parents, verbal and mental abuse, rape and I am still standing!!!!!All those years I thought I was worthless and not good enough.. Suddenly Having God on my side I realise that I deserve love...I have learnt and still am learning to love myself..

I love photography, I love capturing beautiful, magical moments into still life. I look at the photos of me and I see beauty, a softness and a radience beams out out of me.. I see a genuine heart that wants to love and help,A compassionate heart...A joyful counternance..There is so much beauty in me …Most importantly the Lord Jesus Christ dwells in my heart.I am learning to trust again and by God’s grace I survivedEach day I am growing, Each day I am learning, Every day in every way I am getting better and better..

Even that boy who hurt me doesn’t have a hold of me anymoreI have released him from my heart as well as the curses that resulted From him being in my life…..Now when I see him, I don’t let him get the best of meI can be in the same room as him and not cause any dramaEven his flashy cars,fancy trips around the world those flashy parties he throws and all his social climbing anticsdon’t affect me anymore…I have moved on..I don’t feel like his victim anymore..

Suddenly Lauren Hill's lyrics apply to my life:

As I look at what I've done
The type of life that I've lived
How many things I pray the father will forgive
One situation involved a young man
He was the ocean and I was the sand
He stole my heart like a thief in the night
Dulled my senses blurred my sight

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

I chose a road of passion and pain
Sacrificed too much and waited in vain
Gave up my power ceased being queen
Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend

Torn and confused wasted and used
Reached the crossroad which path would I choose
Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated
For something to happen that just wasn't fated
Thought what I wanted was something I needed
When momma said no I just should have heeded
Misled I bled till the poison was gone
and out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't

Father you saved me and showed me that life
Was much more than being some foolish man's wife
Showed me that love was respect and devotion
Greater than planets deeper than any oceans
My soul was weary but now it's replenished
Content because that part of my life is finished

I see him sometimes and the look in his eye
Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold
But my heart is gold I took back my soul
And totally let my creator control
The life which was his to begin with

I used to love him but now I don't
I used to love him but now I don't