Bitter-Sweet Process

Me.... Tafadzwa standing tall like a palm treee.. that stands tall even in a desert...roots did deeper...


The past 5/6 weeks have been a bitter and painful process and yet sweet and beautiful as well. Someone (NN) I had strong feelings for decided to get my hopes raised and then chose the other. i was devastated...I had grown so attached to him in so many ways...He had become a friend and someone who managed to make me smile...I miss our silly fights and yet He has never even bothered to call and find out if I am okay...I know he has moved on and forgotten about me but I am frustrated that I still think of him when He has moved on and is pursuing another girl.Yesterday and today I felt like sending him a message on His phone but I thank the Holy Spirit for self control...I did not do it and do not intend to. I am a closed chapter in His life and so should he. He never took the time to know me so He doesnt define me. He has affected the way i look at Christian guys.I realised that I have developed a disdain for Christian guys because of the way they treat girls...the impact of their rejection is more painful than that cozed by Non-Christian guys. It still hurts when I think all the time i caught him looking at me and i felt like it was love when our eyes met, It hurts to discover that it was just lust looking at me..It was like Amnon and Tamar in the bible..he was just plotting the day he would violate me...and then now that his lust was satisfied he won't even have anything to do with me...But like Tamar(name means palm tree)...my roots have had to dig deeper into the love of God and find the confidence, self esteem, dignity and honour that NN stole from me. Even though i have forgiven him sometimes the resentment keeps surging back then I have to remind myself that the devil is a liar.Like a palm tree I am standing tall ..I am alive ..rejection did not kill me...I am tall and towering above my adversaries...like a stately graceful queen...
Yet at the same time that I have been in pain God had been embracing me and overwhelming me with His love...I have had the most amazing experiences in the quiet place and these awesome revelations that have just made my heart melt like water...