May ….No Longer the month of loss and mourning….

my darling dad 09/06/1936-04/05/2005


mum and i on her wedding.. R.I.P Mum 26/2/1945-17/5/2006


May has always been a difficult month for me..It all started on the 18th of May in 2003 When my oldest sister Sikhangele Patience died from Aids at the age of 36 leaving her two beautiful children and leaving my mum with a broken heart. I had a lost a friend and the fact that my sister was 13 years older than me mearnt that there was a maternal aspect to our relationship. I lost my prayer partner .What kept me sane was the fact that my sister was a born again and spirit filled Christian. I knew she was no longer in pain and I knew she was happy in Heaven The 4th of May 2005 ..was another painful event My father who I looked to for affirmation and validation passed away at the age of 69. My world collapsed. I was so angry…I didn’t understand and blamed God although God never left my side and yes my dad was saved. ..As if that wasn’t enough My mum died exactly a year later in the same Month of May. My beautiful mother and strongest woman of God I ever knew died on the 17th of May in 2006… My 44 year old half sister Lynn Rachel died the very day as my mum but I failed to attend her funeral because I had to organise my mum’s funeral..Lynn Rachel exuded life and verve and she always told me that she loved me...I regretted not being there for her when she requested to see me because she needed money. Instead of waiting for her I left money for her to collect. The month on May has always represented pain and loss and loneliness but no more. From 2008 onwards May will be a month of gain and joy unspeakable….I will celebrate the lives of my lost family members because I know they have become heavenly spectators cheering me on in the race of life…

I Corinthians 15:55 O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting?

WHERE WOULD I BE?

Had it not been for your enduring love
I would not be here in your secret place

Just being in your presence and overwhelmed by your love
I can’t even begin to think of any other place I would want to be
Besides sitting on your laps and surrounded by those loving arms.

Nail pierced Lord where else could I find peace, joy and healing
Where would I be?
If it hadn’t been for you
If you hadn’t taken my place at the cross.

I would be nowhere without you Jesus…
Truly Lord Jesus I would be nowhere,
I would not be where I am right now in
The Shadow of your wings.




Written in 2001 by Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora

All For me

Lord I can never comprehend the agony that you went through for me
Here during your time on earth as a Man of sorrows.
You were so despised and rejected by man but
You did it all for me because you loved me.

Oh Lord sometimes I just can’t bear to think of it at all,
You on your way to the cross,
I think of how they stripped you, mocked you and humiliated you
I think of how they laughed and spat in your face
As they put a crown of thorns on you

You would not even speak a word to defend yourself when they falsely accused you.
Thirty-nine times they whipped you like a criminal for a crime that I had committed
The thirty-nine lashes left deep stripes in your back yet you silently took it all
And even went on to carry your cross on your wounded bleeding back.

On that cross you were so lonely, rejected, helpless and thirsty, yet you took it all.
It was your wonderful love for me that drove you to that cross in the first place.
You took all that disgrace for me and bore my pain and shame for me and even bled from your brow because you loved me.

Your love proved to be even stronger than death because today you still live.
And I live because you took it all for me.
You washed my sins away with your blood and gave me eternal life.




Written in 2002 by Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora

JESUS - THE LOVER OF MY SOUL

I WAS BROKEN

REJECTED

AND IN A TERRIBLE LIFELESS STATE.

THINGS SEEMED TO GET WORSE
AND WORSE
YET I TRIED SO HARD.

THE SEARCH FOR ACCEPTANCE
AND FOR WHO I REALLY WAS
CONTINUED TO BE FRUITLESS,
UNFULFILLING
AND NEVERENDING...

YOU SEE
I TRIED TO DO ALL I COULD TO GET IT
TO GET SOMETHING TO FILL THAT EMPTINESS
IN MY HEART
BUT I FOUND NO SOLACE- BUT I STILL RAN ON...
I WANTED TO BE FREE
I WANTED TO ESCAPE
FROM THE CHAIN OF EMOTIONAL PAIN
THAT WAS
BOILING
IN ME

THE NEGATIVE WORDS
AND THEIR RIDICULE
AND TAUNTS
WERE LIKE FIERY DARTS
AIMING FOR MY WEAK
AND BROKEN HEART.

THE TORMENT WAS SO PAINFUL
BUT I FOUND NO RELIEF

IT FELT LIKE THERE WAS NO HOPE OF ESCAPING.

THEN HE CAME SEARCHING FOR ME
HE FINALLY FOUND ME

STANDING ALONE,

NAKED
COLD
BLEEDING
AND HEAVILY YOKED.

HIS EYES BEHELD ME AND IN ONE GLANCE
FELL IN LOVE WITH ME.
HE LOOKED PAST MY BROKEN STATE
AND MY DIRTY STENCH FROM THE PAST
AND SAW ME AS
'COMPLETE'
WHOLE
BEAUTIFUL
AND PRECIOUS.

WITH HIS EYES HE SAW THE FINISHED ARTICLE
AND NOT THE ROUGH UNCUT DIAMOND I WAS.

HE LIFTED UP MY HEAD AND LOOKED INTO MY EYES WITH COMPASSION
AND WIPED THE TEARS FROM MY EYES.

HE CLEANSED ME
WITH HIS PRECIOUS BLOOD
AND CLOTHED ME
WITH A ROBE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
AND A GARMENT OF PRAISE,
AND WRAPPED AROUND MY BRUISED,
BATTERED SHOULDERS
THE CLOAK OF INTEGRITY.

HE GAVE ME A NEW NAME AND IDENTITY.
HE MADE ME A SOMEBODY
- A NUBIAN PRINCESS
AND A WOMAN OF VIRTUE.
HE PUT A BEAUTIFUL GOLD RING ON MY FINGER
AND MADE ME HIS WIFE.
HE ALSO ADORNED MY HEAD
WITH A BEAUTIFUL CROWN
AND MADE ME AN HEIRESS
TO HIS UNSEARCHABLE RICHES
AND FILLED THAT EMPTINESS
THAT I HAD TRIED TO FILL ON MY OWN
HE FILLED THAT EMPTINESS TO OVERFLOWING.

HE LED ME TO DRINK THE LIVING WATER
AND IN ONE INSTANT
MY THIRST AND HUNGER
WERE FULFILLED.

LIKE A WEANED BABY IN ITS MOTHER'S ARMS
FOR THE FIRST TIME
MY SOUL FOUND REST SURPRISED TO BE LOVED
AND AMAZED
TO FIND
ALL THAT I HAD SEARCHED FOR
IN HIS ARMS.

I HAD FINALLY FOUND THE ONE
WHO MY SOUL LOVED -
THE ONE
WHO MY FLESH AND SOUL HAD CRIED OUT FOR.

I WILL HOLD ON TO HIM FOREVER
AND
NEVER
LET HIM GO.

WRITTEN BY TAFADZWA LILLIAN GOTORA
(Taffy)
29/10/03

I CHOOSE TO LOVE

Does one stop loving because they have not received love in return for theirs?
Does one stop giving because they have not been thanked?
Does one stop trusting because they have been cheated?

The urge to build a wall and shut out everyone because of the fear of being rejected, cheated, misunderstood and maligned is quite strong but I choose to love selflessly like my Lord, He did not stop trusting Peter even though he had denied him three times,
He still entrusted Peter with the keys,

He was rejected and humiliated on the cross by people he loved, people who He wanted to redeem, people He had come on earth to set free, people whose broken hearts He had come to bind, whose eyes He had come to open, whose sins He had chosen to take upon His shoulders,
Whose pain He had chosen to bear in their place
-But still He loved and still today He loves regardless of what we do, and because He is LOVE will love till eternity.

Yes I will cry, but I will not wallow in self-pity and harden my heart, I will still love with vulnerability and compassion,
I will choose to forgive and move on to greater heights in the affected relationship.
I will still stretch out my hand in peace to my antagonists; my arms will be wide open for them when they need comfort.
I will still love because He still loves me when I hurt Him, when I disobey and when I go astray.

I will love despite the pain, hurt and the betrayal, I will love even more with abandonment. I will love even more loyally and with fervor and put the pain of the past behind me in order to love again.




Written By Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora
20/12/03

The Emancipation of Tafadzwa ...

For so long I have walked with my head hung low,
For so long I have carried these heavy burdens of life,
For so long I have shed many a tear and cried myself to sleep
For so long I have allowed them to walk all over me,
For so long I have allowed them to use me and abuse me
For so long I have wallowed in self pity...
For so long I have been down under..
For so long I have been their victim...
For so long I have believed the lie that I wasnt worth much
For so long I have allowed the cruelty towards me to define me
For so long I have allowed myself to be their object of ridicule
For so long I have partnered with my enermies to destroy me

But Today ....I evolve
But Today... yes my legs are trembling but I 'AM' standing
But Today...I look into my heart and I see strength
But Today..I look into my mirror and discover beauty epitomised
But Today...I look at my scars and realise that I am a Surviver
But Today...I think of everything i have overcome and realise I am a Victor
But Today...I see that its my obligation to love me, not anybody’s
But Today...I see my capabilities, strengths, gifts and beauty.But Today...I love me...
TODAY TAFADZWA HAS EVOLVED
Written by Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora on 07/06/2007

JOURNEY OF SELF DISCOVERY

I have packed up my bags and am ready to leave My Pain behind..:
I am living behind the Heartaches, Disappointments, and Failures…
This time there is no room for Negative Criticism
I am definitely leaving behind Bitterness, and Rejection,
Low-self esteem is not coming on this trip and neither is Regret
You see only Me, Myself and I are going away this time,
This time it's only Me who gets to go, This time it's about Me,
This time "Me" gets to have her way
This time "Me" get to take time out…
None of my former companions who I have named above are welcome..
None of these mates of mine are coming with me on this journey ….
This journey that I am on is an exciting one
This journey that I am on is a journey of a lifetime
So I won't be coming back to My Pain,
I won't be coming back to Heartaches, Disappointments, Failures..
I am definitely not coming back to Negative Criticism, Bitterness and Rejection
Neither am I coming back to Low-Self Esteem and Regret
This time I am leaving all my former vices behind …
I am on a journey… a journey of self discovery
I won't even look back because I will be busy meeting Joy
I will be so busy acquainting myself with Success and discovering Peace
I will be hanging out with Encouragement and socialising with Confidence
And Acceptance.. And at the end of it all…..
I will permanently move in with Jesus who awaits me at the end of the Journey

Written by Tafadzwa Lillian Gotora 07/06/2007