My struggle with emotions...

Psalm 27:14 reads “Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.” Many scriptures command us to wait and be still and yet the temptation to run ahead of God with regards to getting married is strong at the moment. I am crying out to God for grace to overcome the temptation to be emotionally attached to a certain male friend who I am drawn to on many levels.

I am also feeling a little frustrated and tired of being single.. I have been a Christian for a few years now, and those few years I have been mostly single or either in unhealthy or undefined relationships.. I look around me and I see people in relationships, people getting engaged/married, people starting families and its all things that I long for myself.. worse still being an orphan I have the yearning to be with someone and start a family but this can’t happen if the man God has for me hasn’t approached me. But, in the midst of this all, I still trust Jesus to have his perfect way..and I know He is the author of my love story so I give back the pen of my life back into His hands so that he can write.

Even though I have come to view singleness as gift and have been focusing on redeeming the time to serve God wholeheartedly and have been giving more time to pray and serve at Church I still wake up to the fact that I am drawn to this guy so I am forced to cry out to God for strength to withstand temptation and keep myself emotionally and mentally pure. Though I greatly desire to pursue a relationship with this friend, I want even more earnestly to be completely in God's will and God's time frame. I know it is out of my control. All I can do is to offer up my desires to God and wait upon Him to accomplish His will for my life. My heart seeks to follow Psalm 37:4, "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
I want to wait upon God regarding a life partner, instead of running ahead of Him. Along with the psalmist I declare, "Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside Thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:25-26).

I liked what my brother Hudson Davis wrote in his article on singleness and I concur to what he wrote:

"I am content in my singleness because I am certain that God has not abandoned me, has not forgotten me, that He loves me. But I am not satisfied because, despite the Love of God and the love of friends, despite the blessings I cannot list, there is an ache and longing that is unfulfilled. I am content but not satisfied."

Today, I decide to:
Be honest about my desires, but refuse to let them become an obsession. I want marriage and family, but those desires are not my highest goal...my goal and passion is Jesus Christ who loved me before I loved Him.
I decide to be intentional about finding mentors who have a genuine interest to see me grow as a whole person...and who can help become the mature woman of God that will make a wonderful wife and mother!!!!