HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW PART TWO

When it suddenly dawned on me that I could be with child, I had missed my period and was suffering from severe headaches. I gathered up the courage to buy a pregnancy test kit. Even though I had taken the morning after pill after conception. I felt like I was pregnant. I resolved to contact the would be father of my child and he at first seemed happy and even casually joked about it. After I had taken the test however I told him the good news and was surprised to hear him ask me what the way forward was. I told him that abortion was not an option and his answer was that he was not in a good financial position so abortion was the only solution!!! We exchanged words and parted ways and he told me point blank that I was on my own. He would later on continue to send me text messages demanding that I abort because I would not make a competent mother and would not stop texting me.I realise it was a tactic to put me under pressure so that I could give in and abort or at least miscarry.



The realisation that I was going to be on my own started to sink in when I went for my first appointment and for the ultrasound alone without anyone to share the joy with. The stress was really getting to me. I was losing my temper at work and just not in a good place. It was after one outburst at a senior member of staff in the ministry where I was volunteering that God began to disarm me so that He could embrace me and tell me that it was well.. My boss and the senior member of staff sat me down and expressed that my outburst at my superior was so out of my character and that when it occurred it did not infuriate them but actually made them realise that I was going through something. I broke down and told them my predicament, that I was pregnant and alone and now trying to find a job in the corporate sector. My boss and this superior were so supportive and yet I was at a place where I was struggling to receive love. I guess deep down I felt like I didn’t deserve the support and love.
I then set about trying to rectify my mistake and met with my pastors and apologised to them. I apologised to the people who had poured themselves out into me and invested time in helping me grown in Christ.



I thought of the opportunities that had been availed to me to have fellowship with some phenomenal men and women, many of whom had spoken into my life. I thought of people like my best friend Saru not only believed in me as a friend but even as a woman of God. When I thought of all the people who had rooted for me I felt like I had really let many down, some even broke down in front of me when I told them the news. One sister in Christ told me that she cried for days.
I thought of the little girls who used to come and hug me after church and tell me that they loved it when I did announcements in church and how they also wanted to be like me. I thought of the people I had led to Christ and many whose destinies I had wrestled for and felt so bad. I wondered what people would say, and it even made me more angry that this pregnancy issue was going to vindicate the so called brother-in –Christ who had not only led me on and later on rejected me but had ruined my reputation and had stripped me of the little self esteem that I had left. I thought of the prophetic words that had been spoken into my life and how my situation was contrary to what God had said.



I then announced my intention to leave the ministry job so that I could start looking for a job in the corporate sector. I was determined to get a job as soon as possible so that I could start preparing for my baby. But little did I know what lay ahead. I was to spend the entire nine month alone and jobless. After leaving the job at the ministry I could no longer even afford to go to church and yet I craved fellowship but no one followed up on me. I do not know why people from the church that I served so faithfully never followed up on me but I do understand that God wanted to isolate me so that I could be alone with Him. The fact that my parents were both dead made the pregnancy issue even more difficult but I soldiered on though they were times I really felt I could not go on and up to know I don’t know what kept me going but GRACE .I was still standing but I was broken, I was still standing and I was crying myself to sleep at night, I was standing but I was empty and everything around me was dead all except for the life I was carrying... I could not even afford a meal and could not even afford to pay for my accommodation but only grace kept me going. .. God would raise up a few people who would take me in and provide for me during my pregnancy. These people did the best they could to make sure that I was okay. Some made huge financial sacrifices to assist me and my prayer is that God would remember their sacrifice....I started to attend a small church where the young Pastor and his wife were so gracious and accommodating, they were so supportive and provided a safe place to heal. God had begun to turn the valley of trouble I was in (Achor Valley) into a door of hope!!!He had begun to pick me up from the ashes and rubbles of my dreams and begun to make all things new.

Hos 2:14 Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her.
Hos 2:15 And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt

HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW PART 1

Rev 21:5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful

I am so nervous about this post for some reason, I almost feel as if I am a first time blogger and yet I have written so many posts over the years. Why I am so semi-nervous and excited at the same time is because just like in Revelations 21:5 He has made all things new...and the Lord has made all things new in my life, in my relationship with Him and in every way so He said to me through different people

Taffy write.....

I took heed and started to write this post because like He said, these words are true and faithful. I am a living witness that those words are true. ..My life is a testimony and once again I find myself quoting yet another scripture.

1Jn 1:1 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life; 1Jn 1:4 And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.

So like the disciple John I am writing to share with you what I have heard, what I have seen and what I have touched and I write to you so that your joy may be full. In June 2010 I fell from grace and found myself pregnant out of wedlock. To many I was an inspiration. I was part of the volunteer staff of a mega church and loved the job. I was up and coming in ministry and was part of the Young Adults Ministry leadership of my church ,I had sat at the feet of many powerful men and women of God and had direct access to many of them because I seemed to always find favour in the eyes of these iconic leaders. My blog was being followed by many people and I was getting encouraging feedback in my mailbox. To an outsider it might have seemed like I was thriving. What the world didn’t know was that I was hurting, crying out for love and searching for significance and not really finding it even in the church! The cycle of rejection that had tormented me from birth had just dealt me a hard blow. A fellow Christian brother had hurt me badly and me being the defensive one sought justice but in the process of trying to seek justice I was let down and aspersions were cast on my character...I was devastated and wondered if I would ever be loved. I wondered what was wrong with me, I wondered what I was doing wrong after all I was practising celibacy, had a left a well paying job to go and volunteer in the ministry and I was serving in the church and even blogging for Christ? Clearly I was trying to do everything right I thought to myself? It was at this time of vulnerability that I met the man who would become the father of my miracle child. He was not saved and yet so attentive and fed my already bruised ego by paying me a lot of attention and before I knew it he had grown on me...Being spirit filled I could not continue with the relationship any longer because the Holy Spirit convicted so I stopped seeing him. What I did not know when I broke it off with this unsaved guy was that I was carrying a child... I confessed my sin to God and asked for forgiveness and even broke off soul ties with this guy and was even now more determined to pursue God’s will...not knowing that my life was about to change. I was about to be taken into the wilderness in order to be humbled and tested. I was about to walk the loneliest journey in my life where I would be isolated from everyone and have nowhere else to look for help but up to God. I was about to endure judgement and bear the reproach of an unwed mother and I had no idea!!!I was about to be stripped off all that I placed my identity in and about to be left alone...to be with the Lord.