Rev 21:5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful
I am so nervous about this post for some reason, I almost feel as if I am a first time blogger and yet I have written so many posts over the years. Why I am so semi-nervous and excited at the same time is because just like in Revelations 21:5 He has made all things new...and the Lord has made all things new in my life, in my relationship with Him and in every way so He said to me through different people
Taffy write.....
I took heed and started to write this post because like He said, these words are true and faithful. I am a living witness that those words are true. ..My life is a testimony and once again I find myself quoting yet another scripture.
1Jn 1:1 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life;
1Jn 1:4 And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.
So like the disciple John I am writing to share with you what I have heard, what I have
seen and what I have touched and I write to you so that your joy may be full.
In June 2010 I fell from grace and found myself pregnant out of wedlock. To many I was an inspiration. I was part of the volunteer staff of a mega church and loved the job. I was up and coming in ministry and was part of the Young Adults Ministry leadership of my church ,I had sat at the feet of many powerful men and women of God and had direct access to many of them because I seemed to always find favour in the eyes of these iconic leaders. My blog was being followed by many people and I was getting encouraging feedback in my mailbox. To an outsider it might have seemed like I was thriving. What the world didn’t know was that I was hurting, crying out for love and searching for significance and not really finding it even in the church! The cycle of rejection that had tormented me from birth had just dealt me a hard blow. A fellow Christian brother had hurt me badly and me being the defensive one sought justice but in the process of trying to seek justice I was let down and aspersions were cast on my character...I was devastated and wondered if I would ever be loved. I wondered what was wrong with me, I wondered what I was doing wrong after all I was practising celibacy, had a left a well paying job to go and volunteer in the ministry and I was serving in the church and even blogging for Christ? Clearly I was trying to do everything right I thought to myself? It was at this time of vulnerability that I met the man who would become the father of my miracle child. He was not saved and yet so attentive and fed my already bruised ego by paying me a lot of attention and before I knew it he had grown on me...Being spirit filled I could not continue with the relationship any longer because the Holy Spirit convicted so I stopped seeing him. What I did not know when I broke it off with this unsaved guy was that I was carrying a child... I confessed my sin to God and asked for forgiveness and even broke off soul ties with this guy and was even now more determined to pursue God’s will...not knowing that my life was about to change. I was about to be taken into the wilderness in order to be humbled and tested. I was about to walk the loneliest journey in my life where I would be isolated from everyone and have nowhere else to look for help but up to God. I was about to endure judgement and bear the reproach of an unwed mother and I had no idea!!!I was about to be stripped off all that I placed my identity in and about to be left alone...to be with the Lord.
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