After everything that I faced when I had my child out of wedlock. I have learned a lot from my experience : that relatives and friends are more affectionate to you when you are independent and financially stable. It was a painful realisation. I understand what it is to have a low self esteem because you cannot even afford to take care of your child or even provide a roof over her your head and yet one is an adult. But I know what it is like to have God lift up one’s head because he did that for me over and over again. I started looking for a job when my daughter was born but God only miraculously gave me a job a month before my child turned one and yet I never lacked. God would prompt different people to meet different needs. Sometimes I had to ask, and this was the most difficult thing because I have this independent streak in me, probably because I went to boarding school when I was 8.I did not know how to ask and who to ask so I had to learn. Sometimes I swallowed my pride and asked but I didn’t always get but I know now that God was humbling my pride and self sufficiency.
I had God reach down to me in the miry clay and pick me and give me glory and double honour for my shame. A friend of mine says that I am different now, he says I am not proud or judgemental anymore but am pleasant, gracious, humble and more accommodating. He said “your walk has changed, you have a limp now like Jacob.” It’s true I have an understanding of experiencing the love of God in spite of what I did. The transformation from the conniving Jacob the deceiver and supplanter to Israel the one who contends with God is so evident in how dignified Jacob is when he stands before Pharaoh and blesses him and his knowledge and intimacy with God when he bows himself in worship upon his bed’s head in Genesis 47 when Joseph agrees to honour Israel’s request to be buried where his fathers are buried.Its exciting to read about the hero's burial that Jacob gets in Egypt, everything literary stops because a great man of God has died so he is not only mourned by his family but by a nation that he is not even part of, this is what I am talking about- this is God who has made all things new for Jacob.
Indeed God has made all things new. I have always been someone who has struggled to find acceptance. I was always striving to be loved through good deeds and achievements and yet I never got the love and acceptance I was looking for. I moved from church to church, cell group to cell group, job to job, from one unhealthy relationship to another unhealthy relationships and even in a few cases even moved from friend to friend in pursuit of love but all I kept experiencing was rejection But now that I have had God speak tenderly to me and love on me while in sin I am living in Psalm 131 now.
Just like in Zephaniah 3:17 the Lord has quietened me with His love, I am in awe with how he continues to love and bless me with all my imperfections and frailties
Slowly my life is beginning to piece together now, I have a job now that I love and enjoy in the ministry working at my church office. I have settled in a good church, actually I went back to Christ The Rock Ministries the church where I had my baptism of the Holy Spirit when I was still in High School. It’s in Christ The Rock where I had the first prophetic word spoken over me and where my gifting was celebrated even though I was only a teenager and that’s where my spiritual father Bishop George Chigwada is... My daughter and I have moved into our own place (it is not the most ideal neighbourhood but I know that God is working it out) and have food to eat. I can clothe, feed and provide shelter for my child now and that feel good. I lost all the post pregnancy weight and have a great slim figure and have had a few people assume that I am my daughter’s aunt because you see ‘He satisfies my mouth with good things so that my youth is renewed like the like the eagle’s. I look younger than younger women who do not even have babies!!!
In the past I always seemed to attract abusers and men who treated me like all I was worth was my looks but now even that has changed. The calibre of men who pursue me has changed for the better. Decent single godly men show interest in me and now I am like “when I wasn’t a baby mama I couldn’t even get one good Christian brother to like me but now where are all these good guys coming from?” My best friend said “they are now coming to you because you have changed; you know who you are and whose you are so you carry yourself differently.” Indeed I have come to the full knowledge that even though I am a single mum I am a daughter of a King, not just any king but the King of Kings, I am sought after and His delight is in me. The Creator is my husband; The Lord of Hosts is His name. The Holy one of Israel is my redeemer so I walk tall with my head up because He is the lifter of my head and my glory and me and the daughter “whom the Lord has given me are for signs and wonders” according to Isaiah 8:18. So until my prince comes along to share this exciting journey of life with I will continue to be a bride of Christ and a daughter of a KING because He makes all things new!!!!
Now I recall the word that God gave me after I found out that I was pregnant , He told me that the same way that everyone publicly seen my fall from grace was the same way He was going to publicly elevate me from the dust to sit with Princes! So I dream and visualise and wait expectantly to have everyone (especially those who rejoiced when I fell) see the table God has prepared for me just like it is in Psalm 126.
My prayer is that when the heathen have witnessed my total restoration and elevation and have admitted that the Lord has done great things for Taffy they will also come and taste and see that the Lord is Good and that He Makes All Things New!!!
I had God reach down to me in the miry clay and pick me and give me glory and double honour for my shame. A friend of mine says that I am different now, he says I am not proud or judgemental anymore but am pleasant, gracious, humble and more accommodating. He said “your walk has changed, you have a limp now like Jacob.” It’s true I have an understanding of experiencing the love of God in spite of what I did. The transformation from the conniving Jacob the deceiver and supplanter to Israel the one who contends with God is so evident in how dignified Jacob is when he stands before Pharaoh and blesses him and his knowledge and intimacy with God when he bows himself in worship upon his bed’s head in Genesis 47 when Joseph agrees to honour Israel’s request to be buried where his fathers are buried.Its exciting to read about the hero's burial that Jacob gets in Egypt, everything literary stops because a great man of God has died so he is not only mourned by his family but by a nation that he is not even part of, this is what I am talking about- this is God who has made all things new for Jacob.
Indeed God has made all things new. I have always been someone who has struggled to find acceptance. I was always striving to be loved through good deeds and achievements and yet I never got the love and acceptance I was looking for. I moved from church to church, cell group to cell group, job to job, from one unhealthy relationship to another unhealthy relationships and even in a few cases even moved from friend to friend in pursuit of love but all I kept experiencing was rejection But now that I have had God speak tenderly to me and love on me while in sin I am living in Psalm 131 now.
1 My heart is not proud, LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
2 But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
Just like in Zephaniah 3:17 the Lord has quietened me with His love, I am in awe with how he continues to love and bless me with all my imperfections and frailties
Slowly my life is beginning to piece together now, I have a job now that I love and enjoy in the ministry working at my church office. I have settled in a good church, actually I went back to Christ The Rock Ministries the church where I had my baptism of the Holy Spirit when I was still in High School. It’s in Christ The Rock where I had the first prophetic word spoken over me and where my gifting was celebrated even though I was only a teenager and that’s where my spiritual father Bishop George Chigwada is... My daughter and I have moved into our own place (it is not the most ideal neighbourhood but I know that God is working it out) and have food to eat. I can clothe, feed and provide shelter for my child now and that feel good. I lost all the post pregnancy weight and have a great slim figure and have had a few people assume that I am my daughter’s aunt because you see ‘He satisfies my mouth with good things so that my youth is renewed like the like the eagle’s. I look younger than younger women who do not even have babies!!!
In the past I always seemed to attract abusers and men who treated me like all I was worth was my looks but now even that has changed. The calibre of men who pursue me has changed for the better. Decent single godly men show interest in me and now I am like “when I wasn’t a baby mama I couldn’t even get one good Christian brother to like me but now where are all these good guys coming from?” My best friend said “they are now coming to you because you have changed; you know who you are and whose you are so you carry yourself differently.” Indeed I have come to the full knowledge that even though I am a single mum I am a daughter of a King, not just any king but the King of Kings, I am sought after and His delight is in me. The Creator is my husband; The Lord of Hosts is His name. The Holy one of Israel is my redeemer so I walk tall with my head up because He is the lifter of my head and my glory and me and the daughter “whom the Lord has given me are for signs and wonders” according to Isaiah 8:18. So until my prince comes along to share this exciting journey of life with I will continue to be a bride of Christ and a daughter of a KING because He makes all things new!!!!
Now I recall the word that God gave me after I found out that I was pregnant , He told me that the same way that everyone publicly seen my fall from grace was the same way He was going to publicly elevate me from the dust to sit with Princes! So I dream and visualise and wait expectantly to have everyone (especially those who rejoiced when I fell) see the table God has prepared for me just like it is in Psalm 126.
Psa 126:1 A Song of degrees. When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream.
Psa 126:2 Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, The LORD hath done great things for them.
My prayer is that when the heathen have witnessed my total restoration and elevation and have admitted that the Lord has done great things for Taffy they will also come and taste and see that the Lord is Good and that He Makes All Things New!!!
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