I have been a single saved sister in the church for more than a decade and one scenario of heartbreak that I have seen wreck the hearts of many single women in the church is when they entangle themselves in an undefined relationship with a guy who has not made it official. I am talking about that scenario where a guy gets your number, starts calling and watsapping you. He picks you up and drops you off whenever you need transport, You are inseparable and most of your spare time is spent in this guy's company..You guys even pray together and share your dreams and visions and cannot go a day being apart from each other but he has not made it official. He even calls you pet names and maybe you have even met all his friends and family BUT he has not made his intentions known and so you have started making excuses for him that he is scared and he wants to be sure in the mean time since this non-commiter guy is always hogging your attention the guy who is really into you cannot even access you becoz you are engrossed in trying to get the non-committer to commit !!!! Does the scenario sound familiar to anyone? I used to think I was the only one who kept experiencing this until I read a Christian book by John and Stasi Elderidge entitled 'Captivating' who write “There is an emotional promiscuity we’ve noticed among many good young men and women. The young man understands something of the journey of the heart. He wants to talk, to “share the journey.” The woman is grateful to be pursued, she opens up. They share the intimacies of their lives - their wounds, their walks with God. But he never commits. He enjoys her... then leaves. And she wonders, What did I do wrong? She failed to see his passivity. He really did not ever commit or offer assurances that he would"
The long and the short of it is that undefined relationships may seem to be good and even look promising and yet the reality is the guy is just not into you but using you to pacify his emotional needs without necessarily committing to you...The end result is even though you may not have a sexual relationship you develop soul ties from spending too much time and sharing all your business and sharing too much . And then when the brother finds the woman he wants He will not delay in making his intentions known to the other woman and drop you immediately. I know the Ugly because it happened to me countless times and yet I did not heed the warnings that God gave me through friends.I made excuses ..I made myself available to someone who just wanted to pacify their loneliness and when they met their woman of their dreams I was left in the cold, dejected, humiliated and stripped of all the little self esteem I had and yet he had never defined the relationship and could argue and say "but I never told you or promised anything" so...to cut a long story short while I was in that valley of pain and tears from the disappointment the devil send Mr.Wrong who was not even saved into my life at that moment of dejection and the result was I became an unwed mother.....all because I allowed someone to play around with my feelings and opened my heart to someone who did not do the same....and the downward spiral began and I dated down on the rebound.
If there are any sisters in this type of a scenario I believe you have a right to ask what the guy wants from you and what exactly you are to him. If he is hogging your attention and calling etc for quite a while you better ask him. One things I have learned from most of my guy friends/brothers now is that guys always know even within the first month or so of meeting a girl whether or not they are going to pursue a relationship.What I am saying is place a high value on yourself as a woman standing on the Word of God, be accessible but not too available... dont devote all your spare time on someone who has not made their intentions known and dont play wife, by play wife I dont just mean sleeping with him, don't be cooking, doing laundry, and dont play partner and confidante to someone who has not committed I mean your DSTV doesnt let you watch more channels than you subscribe for so why give him special treatmeant if he hasnt committed to you? Treat him like any other brother in the church or in the office until he makes it official. Let the man earn the right to hog your time, to call you and share the journey of life with you first before giving him access to your heart. A friend has been sharing something so profound and I thought that it was profound... she says stop selling yourself short ..up your shareprice ..sistergirl, you are blue chip he cant just call u everytime he feels bored or low , call you at ungodly hours and disrupt your beauty sleep when he has not stated his intentions no, no, no...
I will close off with another quote from the book "Captivating" (which I highly recommend) by John and Stasi Elderidge who wrote that "Be careful you do not offer too much of yourself to a man until you have good, solid evidence that he is a strong man willing to commit. Look at his track record with other women. Is there anything to be concerned about there? If so, bring it up. Also, does he have any close male friends - and what are they like as men? Can he hold down a job? Is he walking with God in a real and intimate way? Is he facing the wounds of his own life, and is he also demonstrating a desire to repent of Adam’s passivity and/or violence? Is he headed somewhere with his life? A lot of questions, but your heart is a treasure, and we want you to offer it only to a man who is worthy and ready to handle it well.”
Proverbs 4:23 Amplified "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."
Proverbs 4;23 New Living Translation "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."
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